 |
Reply
|  0 recommendations | Message 1 of 16 in Discussion |
| | (Original Message) | Sent: 8/8/2007 10:45 PM |
| This message has been deleted by the manager or assistant manager. |
|
 First
Previous
2-16 of 16
Next
Last
|
Reply
| | 0 recommendations | Message 2 of 16 in Discussion |
|
| This message has been deleted by the manager or assistant manager. |
|
Reply
| | 0 recommendations | Message 3 of 16 in Discussion |
|
| This message has been deleted by the manager or assistant manager. |
|
Reply
| | 0 recommendations | Message 4 of 16 in Discussion |
|
| This message has been deleted by the manager or assistant manager. |
|
Reply
| | 0 recommendations | Message 5 of 16 in Discussion |
|
| This message has been deleted by the manager or assistant manager. |
|
Reply
| | 0 recommendations | Message 6 of 16 in Discussion |
|
| This message has been deleted by the manager or assistant manager. |
|
Reply
| | (1 recommendation so far) | Message 7 of 16 in Discussion |
| From:  Judyc3 | Sent: 8/8/2007 10:51 PM |
Turn back your car odometerA blonde made several attempts to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems finding a buyer because the car had 340,000 miles on it. She discussed her problem with a brunette that she worked with at a bar.
The brunette suggested, "There may be a chance to sell that car easier, but it's not going to be legal."
"That doesn't matter at all," replied the blonde. "All that matters it that I am able to sell this car."
"Alright," replied the brunette. In a quiet voice, she told the blonde: "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop around here. Tell him I sent you, and he will turn the counter back on your car to 40,000 miles. Then it shouldn't be a problem to sell your car."
The following weekend, the blonde took a trip to the mechanic on the brunette's advice.
About one month after that, the brunette saw the blonde and asked, "Did you sell your car?"
"No!" replied the blonde. "Why should I? It only has 40,000 miles on it."
|
|
Reply
| | 0 recommendations | Message 8 of 16 in Discussion |
|
| This message has been deleted by the manager or assistant manager. |
|
Reply
| | 1 recommendation | Message 9 of 16 in Discussion |
|
| This message has been deleted by the manager or assistant manager. |
|
Reply
| | (1 recommendation so far) | Message 10 of 16 in Discussion |
| | From: Judyc3 | Sent: 8/9/2007 11:47 PM |
WOMEN ARE EVIL BY NATURE
A sexy woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. She seductively signalled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did, she gently caressed his full beard.
"Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no," he replied. "Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair. "I'm afraid I can't," breathed the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?" "Yes. I need for you to give him a message," she continued, running her forefinger across the bartender's lips and slyly popping a couple of her
fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently. "What should I tell him?" the bartender managed to say. "Tell him," she whispered, "there's no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room!" |
|
Reply
| | (1 recommendation so far) | Message 11 of 16 in Discussion |
| | From: Judyc3 | Sent: 10/2/2007 5:23 AM |
A woman who had the worst chronic headache goes to a famous "new age" holistic doctor, as a last resort.
"Doctor, I have tried everything, but my headache just won't go
away."
The doctor replied, "You have come to the right place. This is
what I want you to do: go home, stare at yourself in the mirror,
point your index fingers at your temples, and repeat this mantra:
"I really don't have a headache, I really don't have a headache".
Do it as long as it takes, the headache is just going to vanish."
As she leaves the doctor's office, skeptical but curious at the
same time, she tries the maneuver in front of the mirror in the
elevator. Fingers pointed at her temples, she starts repeating "I
really don't have a headache, I really don't have a headache...".
She has barely said it four times, when she realizes her headache is gone. Shocked and elated, she runs back up to the doctor.
"Doctor, you are a genius! Can I please send you my husband? He's been having problems in a certain department... how can I put it... "
"When was the last time you two had sex?"
"About eight years ago."
"Send him over."
A few days later, she is waiting with baited breath for her
husband to come home from the doctor. He arrives, asks her to
wait, and goes straight to the bathroom. When he comes out, he
throws her on the couch and starts making wild passionate love to her. When he's finished, he goes right back to the bathroom.
A few minutes later he comes out, rouses her from her bliss and
starts at it again, like an insatiable young man. After another
hour of great sex he goes and locks himself in the bathroom
again. At this point the wife has become unbearably curious. She tiptoes to the bathroom door, looks through the keyhole, and sees her husband, staring at himself in the mirror, fingers pointed at his temples, repeating:
"That woman is not my wife, that woman is not my wife....."
|
|
Reply
| | (1 recommendation so far) | Message 12 of 16 in Discussion |
| | From: Judyc3 | Sent: 10/2/2007 5:24 AM |
A married couple, in their early 60s, was out celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant. Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table and said, "For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish." "Oh, I want to travel around the World with my darling husband" said the wife. The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II luxury liner appeared in her hands. Then it was the husband's turn. He thought for a moment and said: "Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again.
"I 'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me." The wife and the fairy were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish. So the fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - the husband became 92 years old. The moral of the story: Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember fairies are female. |
|
Reply
| | (1 recommendation so far) | Message 14 of 16 in Discussion |
| | From: Judyc3 | Sent: 10/2/2007 5:27 AM |
A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a magazine. "What was that for?" he asked.
"That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Laura Lou written on it," she replied.
"Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Laura Lou was the name of one of the horses I bet on," he explained.
"Oh honey, I'm sorry," she said. "I should have known there was a good explanation."
Three days later he was watching a ball game on TV when she walked up and hit him in the head again, this time with the iron skillet, which knocked him out cold.
When he came to, he asked, "What the heck was that for?"
She replied, "Your horse called."
|
|
Reply
| | (1 recommendation so far) | Message 15 of 16 in Discussion |
| | From: Judyc3 | Sent: 10/2/2007 5:30 AM |
women and motorcycles Body: The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven." Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God." St.Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God. God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley-Davidson motorcycle?" Arthur said, "Yeah, that's me...." God commented: "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road? Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally spoke, "Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of woman?" God said, " Ah, yes." "Well ," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention: 1.There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion
2.It chatters constantly at high speeds
3.Most rear ends are too soft and wobble too much
4.The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust
5.The maintenance costs are outrageous!!!! "Hmmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold on." God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it. "Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours. |
|
Reply
| | (1 recommendation so far) | Message 16 of 16 in Discussion |
| | From: Judyc3 | Sent: 10/2/2007 5:31 AM |
The Attorney An attorney got home late one evening, after a very taxing day, trying to get a stay of execution for a client James Wright, who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed. As soon as he got through the door at home, his wife started on him about , "What time of night do you call this? Where have you been?" And on and on.
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whisky and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks. While he was in the bathroom, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client had been granted his stay of execution after all.
Finally realizing what a day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs to give him the good news As she opened the bathroom door, she as greeted by the sight of her husband's rear end as he was bent over naked drying his legs and feet.
"They're not hanging Wright tonight," she said. He whirled around and screamed, "FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?" |
|
|
First
Previous
2-16 of 16
Next
Last
|
|
Free Forum Hosting
Important Announcement
Return to JOKES