Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing.
One lady turns and asks, "Do you still get horny?"
The other replies, "Oh sure I do."
The first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?"
The second old lady replies, "I suck a lifesaver."
After a few moments, the first old lady asks, "Who drives you to the beach?"
********************************************************
An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat
on tightly
so that it would not blow off in the wind.
A gentleman approached her and said:
"Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your
dress
is blowing up in this high wind?"
"Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto this hat."
"But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!" said the
gentleman in earnest.
The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied,
"Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat
yesterday!
********************************************************
Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement home
reminiscing.
The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocers and demonstrated with
her hands,
the length and thickness of a cucumber she could buy for a penny.
The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be much bigger and
cheaper also
and demonstrated the size of two big onions she could for a penny a piece.
The third old lady remarked, "I can't hear a word you're saying,
but I remember the guy you're talking about."
*********************************************************
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car. Both could barely see
over the dashboard.
As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight
was red
but they just went on through.
The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be losing it.
I could have sworn we drove thru it."
They drove a few more minutes they came to another intersection, the light
was red,
and again they went right through. This time, the decided to pay very
close attention.
At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they
blew right through it.
She turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know that you ran
through three
red lights in a row? You could have killed us!"
Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh Shit! Am I driving."
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