I have been married for 30 years.  I was a Christian when I married my husband, but not an Adventist.  My relationship with my husband started out under conditions that God didn't approve of.  I met him at a neighbors family birthday party.  He knew my brother, but I never knew him.  He had a long time relationship w/someone else.  They were having difficulty at the time.  We went on a few dates and were able to communicate.  My feelings for him grew stronger but I was unsure of his feelings for me.  He eventually married his girlfriend and of course we were not seeing each other anymore.  He and his wife kept separating and he began dating again. He began to pursue me again and for awhile I resisted.

They no longer lived together, but nevertheless were still married.  "Play with fire and you get burned." I moved out of my parents home and moved in with him - I became pregnant, certainly not God's plans for either of us.  He moved back with his wife, but their marriage was in serious trouble and they remained estranged from one another.  They say 'what goes around comes around.'  I had our oldest son and he began to come and stay with us, but had other relationships. He and his first wife got a divorce.  We got another place together and got married.  He, began to start seeing other people and one person for a more serious relationship.  He flaunted his relationship with her, was disfellowshipped from the (we had become Adventist in the meantime and were for a while committing our lives to God) church, but I continued to struggle in the Lord.  I loved him, didn't believe in divorce and wanted to raise our son in a 2 parent household.  Many years came and went, and my husband continued his pattern of extramarital affairs.  My lifestyle began to gradually change - 'by beholding we become changed'.  Bitterness & resentment sat in & many, many years later and 2 more children later, I tried to strike back by having an affair.  The latest affair of his yielded a child, whom he forced the girl to have an abortion, during the time our last child was born.  After I had the affair, many years later, now the present time, my husband of 30 almost 31 years, for the past 3-4 years has been increasingly involved with a girl 40 yrs younger than him and they have had a fairly open relationship.  He no longer shows me any affection, claims he (repeatedly) has ended his relationship w/her and wants to make a go of our marriage.  He presently doesn't have an income, but spent some winnings on a $1300. cell phone bell -txt msg'ng her, spent Father's  Day w/her and her child by another man.  Since then he has told some people that she was pregnant w/someone elses child, denied he ever said it, and claims to have ended their relationship, yet again, hides his cell phone, ceases to contribute in any way to our house/home.  He is bitter and resentful.  He expressed that he was happy with this young girl, no longer sees it as wrong, believes he is entitled to a 'new chance to be happy', 'start over', and has little to no regard for the pain he has caused me, his wife and/or his children.  He wants his life back, was a statement he made many time, yet all the while professing to love me and want to make a 'go of our marriage.'  I don't believe him or trust him.  I believe that while I'm at work (50 miles away) all day he spends it w/her, because he did this last yr.  She moved away, he drove 13 hrs from time-to-time to see her.  He claims she is not in our town.  Many friends have turned away from me because of the 'uncomfortable' feelings they receive, (comments we both make about our situation) when they are around us.  They remain friendly w/him, but avoid me.  I'm very lonely, bitter, and have failed God miserably.  I know God loves me, but my failed faith has destroyed my relationship with the only True Friend I have ever had - Jesus.

Back to 'what goes around, comes around'.  When you don't follow what is God's will, know this by praying and reading his Word, you are going to make choices influenced by the enemy- Satan.  Anytime we go contrary to what is God's will and purpose for our lives, emulate Christ and share him w/others as we worship him and him alone, we are going to get separated from God, and be left to strong, evil influences.  We become confused (of the devil, because 'God is not the author of confusion) and more entangled with problems will eventually sufficate our relationship with God and then there isn't any peace or joy. 

Fight for your salvation, seek God first and his righteousness, pray, pray, pray and read, read, read his Word.  Give your burdens over to God, keep a watchful eye/ear and  'be still and know that He is God.' This will bring you where your relationship w/God will find you becoming more concerned about 'The Great Commission' and less selfishly focused only on the 'problem'.  You'll begin to see your spouse also as one who needs God and you have the greater opportunity to present Christ 'in living color' right before his very needy eyes. 

It takes letting go to let God take control.  Read of Abigail's relationship w/her husband and be encouraged.  Regarding divorcing my husband, I intend to tarry w/him praying daily that this tribulation will work patience, etc. increased faith, in me that my life will be a daily witness of the power of God and perhaps my husband will yet surrender to God himself.  Then God will have used me as intended - to be a 'soul' winner.  If my husband chooses to harden his heart and leave, then I must let him - I believe that's what Jesus said concerning marriage and divorce.  Search for truth as though it were a pearl of great price.  Support from your friends and family is good, but the answer has to come from God. He knows all, sees all, and is never wrong.