i wanted to thank everyone who took the time to respond to this post. I'm not sure if everyone is aware but i've been offline for a few weeks so responding has had to wait until now.

 

I'm sure i will re-read this thread more than once, i doubt this question is ever going to be fully put to bed in my mind lol. i can only say that i will try to be less judgemental with myself and that i'm grateful for the perspective Y/you've all given.

 

Thank Y/you

 

dev