Assuming I've understood your question correctly, I have had the same internal struggle myself.  When I am feeling assertive and strong, which is most of the time, I wonder about my submission "Am I fake?  Do I belong here? Am I betraying my independent nature?".  Then when I feel vulnerable and want that protection from the world I wonder if I am encumbering another with what is, ultimately, MY responsibilities.

 

No doubt I will have this inner debate again and again, but what I will use as a guide from now on is:  In exchange for submitting when it was INconvenient for me, I am entitled to benefit from and enjoy it when it IS convenient for me. That is, in part, what both parties signed up for.

 

I hope this post helps you as much as your question helped me. I sometimes think I, alone, muddle through that paradox. It's good to be reminded I don't.

 

Donna