As with anything this personal i can only share from what i know for myself.

 

Like anything else in life the best way to start when you're unsure is with baby steps. There is a big difference between being called naughty names while you're romping around (i'm also a big advocate of this!) and really delving into what humiliation can offer your relationship.

 

i find the physical expressions of D/s so much easier lol. It's possible to serve with your body and still keep yourself neatly packed away inside. Humiliation doesn’t allow such barriers. It sounds deliciously romantic to leave yourself so helplessly bare but most of us are all too aware and wary of the downfall looming as a possibility. So what does it boil down to? The easy answer is trust. The honest answer is that trust isn't much without some self confidence when it comes to this kind of play.

 

Knowing what you want to get from the experience is essential because you need to keep it as your guide when you're learning what works and what doesn’t. For me the purpose is titillation... my Dominant's and my own. Humiliation works for me when my face is scarlet and my panties are soaked. Emotional pain is not something i welcome nor seek. Knowing that, knowing that my Dominant understands and shares that goal is another step in the confidence i have.

 

In order to find the 'healthy' satisfaction in humiliation you need to know and be honest with yourself. Name calling is probably the easiest to relate to so for example... Why does being called a slut make me shudder? Is it really something i dislike or is it my perception of the word something that i might enjoy challenging? Are there things that are just never going to be okay?

 

It's not easy to admit where your insecurities are but we all have em! Ignoring them opens the potential for overstepping invisible lines and hurting not only yourself but your Dominant as well. Syd this very much relates back to what you've said about owning your submission and giving it with great care and thought. Unless you're lucky enough to have a psychic Dominant they will be taking their cues from you and your reactions. They will be trusting you to let them know if they've found a sore spot.

 

For me humiliation is a delicious indulgence. There are times where it is very much used as a tool. Sometimes to enhance a scene, to unravel and guide me to where He wants me to be. These times are intense emotionally and by reaction physically. I love them and hate them in the same breath but wouldn’t pass them up for quids.

 

Because of how much we both enjoy it, we've found it doesn’t only get used so directly but is woven into the threads of our interaction in much the same way that Dominance and submission are. The tone and sensation flows from one of loving adoration to sweet, awful discomfort and then back again while barely skipping a beat. Stroking sensation back and forth from silky pleasure to that delicious edge that sends chills along your spine and makes your belly tight.

 

It didn’t start out that way lol. It started out with tiny snippets that more often than not led to me hurrying to close those doors inside me that He was trying to coax open.

 

What all of the time, conversation and experimentation has led to is a much broader understanding and range of ways to please Him and to draw pleasure from. Things that might have once made me roll my eyes like foot worship, objectification now are treasures i eagerly look forward to. Things that might have once terrified me like being displayed and used or being asked to offer up my desires no matter how dark or disturbing they might seem still make me catch my breath but i want to share them with Him and in return i am gifted with the immense pride and pleasure in having Him do the same.

 

It's something we share, another thread to bind us together tightly with wordless looks and secret smiles.

 

Beyond that... it's bloody sexy.