Good Grief - Naming the Pain Helps You Heal

by Natasha J. Rosewood
Psychic Coach, Spirit Healer and Author

While it might be admirable to be brave in the face of a crisis, as humans, we also need, at some point, to allow ourselves to feel. And feeling includes pain as well as joy. If we don't let the pain flow through us and out the other side, like a small tumor, that pain will just grow and grow until eventually, it will kill us. Unresolved grief manifests in many different forms. Insanity, cancer, paranoia and depression are extremes. Loss of potential, unfulfilled dreams and sadness also occur because we are crippled by unresolved grief.

So you can see how good it is to grieve.

But how does one grieve? Unlike the women of the Middle East who, from the TV's in our living rooms, openly howl, their unfettered agony available for the whole world to witness, our culture disdains a public show of emotion. In our goal-oriented, consumer driven world, we are neither taught nor encouraged to grieve. "Just get over it," is a cliché for a reason.

If we work on the premise that our bodies are physical expressions of our spirit, then that blocked grief will have a physiological impact on our health, much like rotten food stuck in our pipes, the stymied emotions won't allow the good or the bad to get through. What harm that does to us specifically is also not immediately apparent. Years later when we think we have successfully managed to push the pain down far enough so as not to be obvious, it raises its ugly head in the form of physical disease or emotional breakdown.

We may all have unresolved traumas to complete. Most of us, however, will also respond with an "I'm fine," especially men. The male species see themselves as far more invincible, and emotionally tougher, than us women.

Coming to a place of understanding, and acceptance is often achieved simply by the person acknowledging their own pain. The perpetrator's validation of their acts or just validation by someone of the pain endured allows the sufferer to feel "right," and then justified in their less-then-desirable emotions. Even when a neutral witness identifies what it is that is causing the nebulous feelings of malaise in the person, just naming the pain can create a huge release and healing.

So how does one deal with grief? Here is a 12-tip process that might start you on your journey to clearing your grief and promoting full emotional health:

1. Draw a line of your life; the left is the beginning working towards the right and your current age. Above the line, mark with a perpendicular line the positive things that happened to you and the year. Below the line, draw a horizontal line downwards indicating the year of any painful experiences, death, and job loss, humiliations, ending of relationships, pets dying, accidents, illness, divorce and the other myriad of things that can happen to us humans.

2. Once you have identified, and acknowledged, the challenges you have had to face, assess how each one affected you.

3. Write a story about each one as it happened to you.

4. Write another story as if it happened to someone else.

5. Write another story as if, on a soul level, you had chosen to have that experience so that you could receive the gift of learning.

6. Write the final story as if it was the funniest thing that had ever happened to anyone.

7. Find someone (who probably had nothing to do with the situation) who you can tell what happened to you. Make sure that they are good listeners and are empathic. You need your pain to be validated and your feelings justified. If you don't have someone you can trust to do this, you may prefer a neutral witness or therapist.

8. Once you have acknowledged your own pain and your pain has been validated by at least one other person, think about how you would feel if that same thing had happened to someone you would care deeply about, perhaps your own child. Feel sorry for yourself, for a while. Cry, be sad, and let the pain be there until it's not there any more.

9. If depression persists for longer than your nearest and dearest think is healthy, check in with a trusted and trained therapist.

10. Ask yourself if you were the writer of this movie script, what could have been your motivation in writing this scene into your life. In other words, what were you meant to learn from this experience?

11. Thank the Universe for this gift of learning and the perpetrators for being willing to "act out the bad guys," and to be your greatest teachers. Know that this experience was designed purely to remind you of your greatness.

12. Then move forward, in Joy!

Natasha J. Rosewood is an international Psychic Coach and Spirit Healer, Author of Aaagh! I Think I'm Psychic (And You Can Be Too), host of the TV show "Wake Up! Body, Mind, and Spirit", and a facilitator of numerous workshops and seminars. Visit Natasha at www.natashapsychic.com

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