sorry you are having to deal w/that. my prayers are with you and know that the prayers from your friends in this group truly work. they certainly gave me more luck than anybody would know. this new job is working out great and i'm finally getting over my mentally abusive ex husband.
silly man told my daughter yesterday that he was gonna join the dating service that she had found her fiance thru. but, he only told her to get me jealous. lol, i never figured he would stoop to such a desperate attempt. but, obviously he isn't as over me as he thought and wants to see me run back to him. i told her to tell him "go ahead and join the dating service. i wish you luck. but it would be better for everybody concerned if you joined AA first!" lol. how transparent can somebody be?
anyway, i'm glad to see that you have gotten away from your tormentor. i too thought that there was no place to go. but i got away from him and actually got better. found new friends and am enjoying working in a great job w/benefits and great furniture discounts. also great friends to work with.
so just think of it this way, there is nowhere to go but up. sure your going thru some things now and they are truly valid. but having a positive attitude, having your children to concentrate on and getting your health back will make things better. i know its hard. but just think that its his loss and you are better off getting away from him.
my first husband was abusive physically, but not violently, compared to what most ppl go thru. i only got bruised not beaten. but for years i harbored hatred for him. no i will never forgive him as ppl tell you you need to do. but, eventually i found that just pitying him was better. he would never have somebody as good as i was and he ended up marrying a user/abuser like himself. she pushed him to abandon our kids (but it backfired on her later, b/c then he wouldnt abandon her kids and she was stuck w/him till the day he died and after) and try to get out of paying child support.
well, he did abandon my kids, but he didnt get out of paying child support. later he realized his mistake and after they had 2 boys of their own he vowed he wouldn't lose them. well, before he died 2yrs ago of a stoke and aneurysm of the brain, he was at her house every weekend (the boys gave him a key) and after he died she had to do all the arrangements for the funeral and is paying for his burial b/c the children loved him. so i guess that is poetic justice. she was abusive to my children and had him abandon them. but in the end she is stuck w/him in one way or another till she dies. ha!
so just think of it this way, "better to have loved and lost than have to put up w/him for all eternity!"
so you dont have to forgive him, just try your best to let the anger out and then get over it. b/c ppl like "our" ex's never really understand and will go to their graves knowing that "we were at fault". so ignoring them and never going back serves more purpose than out right anger. b/c they never understand and its "their loss, not ours!"
good luck and hugs,
nancy in reno
ps. sorry for the rambling. but i hope it helps!