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| | From:  krissaean (Original Message) | Sent: 9/14/2008 8:04 PM |
I hope its better love. I hope your also home soon, so you can rest. Ive got most of my homework done I think lol. I do still need to read a few chapters and maybe do a lil of my study guide for one of my psych classes but I got the bigger things done and now my neck and head ache from bending over the computer, books and papers. Its soooo cold, I keep saying, go downstairs and get dressed and yet I keep putting it off. I need to get dressed to run to the store for something for dinner and for Joshua to have at least a cake tomorrow...I have like 20 left on food stamps. Plus we need those two prescriptions. We'll see, a smokie first, then maybe if its not too cold down there I'll force myself to get dressed LOL I love you! I miss you! xxoo |
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My back is better today baby... thanks. I'm sorry the money didn't come in today. It will soon. If not by Friday, we'll use my paycheck to get Josh some stuff. He'll have a wonderful party, and get some great things. I understand your decision to drop Spanish, and you know I always back you in whatever you decide. It's quite stressful to try and learn something like that on someone else's timeline. If you still want to learn it someday, we can find programs and such and at your own pace learn it, and maybe me too with you. Ole'  . I'm very sorry sweety I was so grumpy and said some stuff to upset you so much. There is no decent excuse for that, and so I won't attempt to use one. I saw you crying last night and it broke my heart baby. I love you with all my heart, and I never want to do that again. You are my everything, and I never want to hurt you. I always want to see your beautiful smile... ALWAYS  Your hunky  man forever !!! |
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Ooohhhh, you ARE MY hunky man! lol. Well yep, the cable it working and according to the cable guy, everything should be fixed this time lol. The cable guy showed up just as I was debating a shower, thankfully I hadnt gotten into the bathroom yet. It took a lil while checking everything and he went in each room with all the boxes too but ~crossing fingers~ it sounds like he knew what was up and fixed it with a new thingy out back. So Im waiting for you to get back now instead of jumping in the shower cuz I want to have everyone together for Josh to have cupcakes while we sing to him, I'll either take a late shower or just a nice early one in the morning before class. Im glad your back is a bit better. Yeah I worry too much, Im sure it will be here sometime this week, I hope. lol. If not, yes your right we'll make it through until we do get it, which should be anytime now. Yeah, spanish along with all my other classes is just too much for me, Im getting older and its harder to learn new languages as you age lmao. Thats my excuse anyways. I know you get grumpy love, I also know you have this inner anger in you when you get grumpy or upset or mad that you can lash out without really thinking much about it, you can be cruelish sometimes and I think it stems from yor childhood again (not excusing it), I think we all learn ways to take care of ourselves or defend ourselves if we dont have those attachment bonds to a parental figure to depend on to stand up for us, to take care of us, to fight for us, we adapt to doing that for ourselves and I think part of that for you is when you feel threatened or upset or angry you automatically, prolly without even much thought strike back, to try and fend off you being hurt or upset...does that make any sense? I just think its a long ago ingrained way of dealing with people when you didnt have anyone else to teach or help you deal with them. It doesnt in anyway excuse it, it means you need to recognize that and work on not lashing out at me......Im your love and deep inside you, you have to come to terms with knowing without a doubt you never have to feel threatened or the need to strike out at me, because i will never hurt you the way others might have, I will never leave you, I will never give you cause to feel the ways you once had to feel. Its time to put some of those old ways of dealing with things to rest, because yes it hurts...a lot sometimes to feel attacked by my love, to feel stupid and like I dont matter and Im not worth anything. I hope i made some sense to you, I just think you were taught everyone will hurt you or leave you, or whatever and you developed ways to deal with that...but those ways are old and Im not one of those people. I LOVE YOU!!! YEAH OUR PHONE AND INTERNET WORK!!! lol Smile for me, you sexy man you!!! Forever and always yours, Amber xxoo |
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By the way (And Im laughing here) have you noticed my psychology classes beginning to fall over into my life where I tend to analyze things more, like finding the reason behind certain actions, reactions, emotions and such? LOL I have begun to notice even just with you, when something happens I start thinking about the reasons behind it, the roots of things lmfao....Im a weirdo, Ive heard psychology majors can be a pain in the butt a times when they try to too often analyze the reasons behind everything....please tell me if I bother you ever in doing that, if I already am? I guess its just when Im reading about childhood development and all the things that have to happen, or that can go wrong, and the ways children and then adults are based on their life experiences it just automatically pops in my head that "oh...this sounds like what I was reading about attachment disorders" or "wow, that makes sense because this person went through this type of upbringing and it resulted in this"...I find myself doing it with you, with Josh, with Shelby, with myself....lol.....sorry love...it is a lil funny though..... I love you!!!!.....Just tell me if I get too off into psychological thinking on things. |
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That's fine sweetheart. Maybe you should be a shrink instead of nurse? I can't afford to pay you for therapy, but we can take it out in trade... you give me therapy and I give you sex therapy. You're right, it's no excuse, but maybe a little insight would be nice sweety. I do and can have an ugly temper, but I never ever want to take it out on you. We are one, and if you hurt, I hurt. I love you, more than you know. I don't deserve you sometimes. |
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You always deserve me my love, God made us for eachother, for better and worse, we both are ment to be together. I love you very much and I hope you feel better soon my love! xxoo |
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