Hi love, I hope your work goes fast today, I'll miss you a lot. Having not gotten to be close to you for a day and I mean both physically close and emotionally really drains me, I feel a physical and emotional ache having not touched you, expressed our love, been close, its as close to hell as I hope I ever see. Do you feel the same?

 

Well they all say its a natural thing that the honeymoon phase doesnt last and its normal, I guess all it is, is that Im still sort of in that phase, too much romantic fantasy on my part and you have grown and moved a bit on from there, which I guess is how its supposed to be and it dosnt mean you love me less I know that, I just need to come to grips with Im still behind in that overly romantic phase and its time for me to grow up some, realize we dont have to be all romantic and stuff to still be just as much in love. Im weird like that I guess and Im sorry if I make you feel bad or pressure you to try and be more romantic than you feel. Of course our love grows and gets deeper and stronger, and that newness and giddy feelings and wanting to be all romantic gets more I dont know....settled down? I dont know the right words. Do you understand me? I know I can sound and be confusing.

 

And like I said, they also say its normal and fine for a couple to still maintain a certain private/seperate/indivudualness from the coupleness......Im again weird in that way, Im sorry.....I guess Im just too romantic and too believing in a silly fantasy type of love that isnt so much reality....so we need our private stuff I guess, stuff seperate from each other, stuff that is just personal to ourselves, this one will be harder for me to accept and become but I will try, because I would rather you be happy and fulfilled and all that than myself, thats love to me, the person you love is more important than yourself, you want their happiness more than your own and you'll sacrafice even things you believe in or need if it makes the other happy, thats a part of love to me, putting the other ahead of your own needs and wants, shoving aside selfishness in the name of deep, true, total love. I've always believed if two people in love could do that together, they would have the most loving, amazing life together, because even though they didnt think much of themselves, they didnt worry because they knew that their partner would always put them first, thats a pretty rare and amazing love....were all designed to look out for ourselves, to take care of ourselves, but to be able to get rid of selfish thoughts and desires and pour your heart into your love and know without worry they are doing the same, how beautiful, but of course it only works if both are as committed as the other to doing that.

 

I know I can be such a really annoying, insecure, fussy bitch....and Im so sorry for that....I hope you believe I dont try to be that way and I dont want to be that way, I wish I was better, I pray to be better, I strive to be better, but I dont always live up to it. And I prolly never will be even remotely close to what I wish I could be for you, I will always be a pain in the ass sometimes..........But I do try.....if that counts.

 

I hurt easy, way too easy I know, Im too senstive, the list could go on forever. Im just a barrel of fun huh? We have way different views on certain things, which is normal, were not nor should we be identical in everything, sometimes it causes us hurts and pain when we see things in different ways, but hopefully we can also see things from the others eyes as well and try to work towards a place that gives us both what we need. Do you think? Sometimes we just assume the other feels the same and when we find out they dont, its a shock, but again, hopefully we can adjust our thinking and adjust our lives to help us both. I will work on realizing we dont have to be all romantic....I will work on being okay with we both should have private, seperate, away from each other things, just remember if you need that, you have to accept and be okay with if I find something that has no part of you in it, as you have some things that have no part of me in it....like I said this will be very hard for me and I have a feeling you wont like it as much if I have private parts of my life without you in them(and it doesnt necessarily mean online crap) but I guess you need that and we'll work on it.

 

What will you work on? If you think you need to work on anything?

 

You are my everything too Glen, maybe more than should be, since we supposedly need seperate spaces....but its how i always felt, that you honest to god were everything in the world, under the sun to me, I didnt think there was anything wrong in that, that you were my life and I was yours, too romantic again huh?

 

I love you so much Glen, so deeply, so totally, it clouds me to rational thinking I guess, do you understand how much a person could love someone that they cant comprehend seperate parts of their lives, its alien to them to consider privacy between two people in love,how hard it is for a person that totally in love to accept that romantic love can be less and its normal, can you understand how a love that strong can cloud a person I guess and Im sorry I've been so pushy to be totally open with each other and to be all romantic with each other, I get clouded by how much I love you.

 

I miss you, I miss touching you, I miss seeing in your eyes happiness and love towards me, I hate fighting, I die a little when were seperated by arguing. I love you Glen.

 

Forever and always, Amber xxoo