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Free Swim : World Aids Day
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Reply
 Message 1 of 12 in Discussion 
From: Jella  (Original Message)Sent: 12/3/2005 1:46 AM
Has come and gone and not a word about it.
 
I'm just sick of the whole thing. I've tried to talk about what it's like to have this disease, and I feel like I look more like a fool than having had any impact on anyone.
 
Freaking out, it seems has that affect of folks I guess. Maybe it's just that it's a touchy subject, I don't know, but I wish I'd never mentioned it now.
 
God the worst part is, that I haven't been with anyone in two years.  It's the most miserable feeling sometimes, and I get so fuckin pissed.
 
It's like everytime I start to write something I just delete it and try and forget about it.  I just feel like going out and getting piss drunk and getting my ass picked up. One good romp in the hay, and I think I'll be good for a year. 
 
Fuck



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Reply
 Message 2 of 12 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nickname-SaveYourself-Sent: 12/3/2005 7:06 AM
You don't look like a fool.

Reply
 Message 3 of 12 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nickname-jujub-Sent: 12/3/2005 2:15 PM
Aw, Jella, I wish you had started a thread about it. You know what? I think maybe we don't want to think about it because it's too scary. Maybe your purpose now is to keep us from having our heads stuck in the sand all the time about HIV and AIDS.  

Reply
 Message 4 of 12 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameZelfrieda1Sent: 12/3/2005 4:46 PM
Jella have you tried finding a support group?

Reply
 Message 5 of 12 in Discussion 
From: HazzSent: 12/3/2005 11:00 PM

Reply
 Message 6 of 12 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameKittyMarthaPooSent: 12/4/2005 12:19 PM
Zel, that's a wonderful idea!

Reply
 Message 7 of 12 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameSmigChickSent: 12/5/2005 6:33 PM
The media infuriates me sometimes by ignoring serious and important issues, so I really feel ya there, Jella. I guess learning about Jessica's split with Nick is just that important.  
 
Please don't hesitate to be that lone voice (or what feels like a lone voice sometimes), to remind everyone of things like this! That's often what it takes to get people impassioned enough to act!
 
 I hate seeing you get so stressed, babe.
 

Reply
 Message 8 of 12 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nickname-SaveYourself-Sent: 12/5/2005 6:39 PM
It was on our newspaper's front page, day after.  Nothing about it day of, though.  I'd actually never heard of it, until someone posted a picture of that giant pink condom on the skyscraper.  Is it relatively new?  Half the time, most people can't remember days like Memorial Day, Veteran's Day, things like that, and those have been around a few decades.  I think it just takes time for more people to become aware of the day, which will happen as people also become more aware of the problem.  I think in today's society, people love their 6-foot tall privacy fences to keep everyone else out, and to keep them "safe."  Both literally and figuratively.

Reply
 Message 9 of 12 in Discussion 
From: JellaSent: 12/5/2005 8:44 PM
I went out Saturday, got pretty dizzy, had to drive home in the snow..... one good thing, everybody's driving is a little asque, so I got home safely..... alone. I woke up feeling like shite on Sunday, had a hard time moving cause I missed a dose of meds and was pretty much in a lousy mood all day.
 
I'm better today.
 
Save, I have posted something every year I've been on these boards on that day, except for this year.  Sometimes I set myself up for things like this.
 
I have thought about groups, and who knows maybe I should. if anything just to meet someone. One thing I've found since I started telling folks that I'm positive, they always find away to ditch me before it comes time to go home.  Some even have taken my phone number, yet never a call.  Sometimes I think the fundies of the day had it right.... send us all to an island, a warm island where we could live with our like kind till the end.
 
I equate it to, being unemployed and being turned down again and again for jobs.... after a while your will is just shot all to hell.
 
Anyway, thanks for sentiment and advice.

Reply
 Message 10 of 12 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nickname-PattyCake-Sent: 12/5/2005 9:41 PM
I wish you had posted something...I honestly didn't even know. 
 
I agree with Jujub, I think we don't say anything or say anything about it because it's so scary. 
 
I don't know much about HIV or AIDS....but I do know that the little bit I do know scares the hell out of me. 
I know a woman who has full blown AIDS (which confuses me....if you have AIDS, you have AIDS, right? There is no 'full blown' and I just wrote an idiotic phrase, right?) and she sleeps around a lot.  She has four kids....kids she had after she was diagnosed with AIDS.
Last year I had to take Kendall to the dr for an AIDS and Hep C test because she and another kid in gym collided and bit each other.  This scared me because it just shows how little everyone knows about the disease. 
 
I don't know how to reply when someone talks about something that I don't know about because I feel uncomfortable.  If that makes sense. 
My heart breaks for you Jella....I don't want you feel alone.  You're not....that's why this board was made!

Reply
 Message 11 of 12 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nickname_AmesSent: 12/5/2005 10:10 PM
Aww  Jella.  I don't know what to say babe...I'm sorry you're frustrated and I'm sorry you feel alone. 
 
If you want to get together for dinner or drinks or just to talk let me know and I'm there.   I was just thinking about you actually...drooling over JJ together at the baseball game

Reply
 Message 12 of 12 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameDede_springs_eternalSent: 12/6/2005 7:49 PM
Doll, your voice is heard...as you've obviously seen.  You've taught us all alot as you've dealt with the hard times and you've made an impact.  I didn't realize when it was as the media is more concerned with other things in this area and I didn't see anything locally...but you've brought up my level of awareness about many things.
 
Take care sweetheart, and I'm here any time you need me. 

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