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 Message 1 of 32 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameLitaBonita  (Original Message)Sent: 11/2/2005 6:36 PM
Recommend (1 recommendation so far) Delete    Message 1 of 73 in Discussion 
From: Jnp9  (Original Message) Sent: 1/11/2005 6:03 p.m.
Bugz was snippy with me , sooo
Recommend Delete    Message 15 of 15 in Discussion 
From: Jnp9 Sent: 01/11/2005 7:01 PM
dont u have kids to watch? wait u gave them away

<NOBR>First </NOBR> <NOBR>Previous </NOBR> <NOBR>2-16 of 73 </NOBR> <NOBR>Next </NOBR> <NOBR>Last </NOBR> <NOBR>Delete Replies </NOBR>
Recommend Delete    Message 2 of 73 in Discussion 
From: <NOBR>XtraMSN NicknameSpeakLoudly</NOBR> Sent: 1/11/2005 6:04 p.m.
That was WAY uncalled for J. WAY uncalled for. And you know that, that's the sick part.

Recommend (1 recommendation so far) Delete    Message 3 of 73 in Discussion 
From: Jnp9 Sent: 1/11/2005 6:04 p.m.
she had it coming

Recommend (1 recommendation so far) Delete    Message 4 of 73 in Discussion 
From: <NOBR>XtraMSN NicknameSpeakLoudly</NOBR> Sent: 1/11/2005 6:06 p.m.
She's going through a nasty divorce and she shares custody of her kids with her ex husband. She hardly "gave them away".
You're an asshole J. I really don't care if I get flamed for that. It's the truth. Thanks for posting it for everyone to see. Saves me the trouble.

Recommend Delete    Message 5 of 73 in Discussion 
From: Jnp9 Sent: 1/11/2005 6:06 p.m.
hey  if she can be snippy with me , i'll dish it back

Recommend (1 recommendation so far) Delete    Message 6 of 73 in Discussion 
From: Jnp9 Sent: 1/11/2005 6:06 p.m.
i dont have a problem treating like shes treated others around here

Recommend Delete    Message 7 of 73 in Discussion 
From: <NOBR>XtraMSN NicknameSpeakLoudly</NOBR> Sent: 1/11/2005 6:08 p.m.
She didn't treat anyone like you just did to her.
I'm out of here for the evening. Plus, I can't stand to discuss this any longer.

Recommend Delete    Message 8 of 73 in Discussion 
From: Jnp9 Sent: 1/11/2005 6:09 p.m.

Recommend Delete    Message 9 of 73 in Discussion 
From: <NOBR>XtraMSN Nickname•ChickyAfternoon?/FONT></NOBR> Sent: 1/11/2005 6:15 p.m.
Sorry JNP.  I have to agree.  That was a low blow and you know it.  Nothing she said to you called for you to say that.

Recommend (1 recommendation so far) Delete    Message 10 of 73 in Discussion 
From: Jnp9 Sent: 1/11/2005 6:16 p.m.
i stand by what i said

Recommend Delete    Message 11 of 73 in Discussion 
From: <NOBR>XtraMSN Nickname™××LizzehBear××</NOBR> Sent: 1/11/2005 6:18 p.m.
Yeah, that was a way low blow. Sorry, but I'm agreeing with what she did. :/

First  Previous  18-32 of 32  Next  Last 
 Message 18 of 32 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameSpeakLoudlySent: 11/2/2005 7:56 PM
I disagree Flo and Foxxy, but whatever. It's not my life and I'm a bit sick of arguing about this.

The number of members that recommended this message. 0 recommendations  Message 19 of 32 in Discussion 
Sent: 11/3/2005 12:19 AM
This message has been deleted due to termination of membership.

 Message 20 of 32 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameBugDispenzrSent: 2/10/2006 1:44 AM
What a bunch of ignorant fucks some of you are...and PATTY, I'm shocked...after all the shit I did for you, after all the shit I listened to...whatever girl, we're done...honestly, I hope you have a great life but don't ever talk to me again.
Not that I need to explain anything to any of you but I did walk away with nothing...all I got was some furniture.   My money was shut off the the DAY I left. I had nothing.  Those of you selfish enough to drag their children out of their home to a shitty neighborhood with no money...good for you you selfish cunts.  I happen to love my kids...their dad makes the money $55,000 a year and I pay $240 a month in child support and make $9 an hour.  He just bought a new house, paid off all his debt and I am having a hard tome paying my electric bill.  I get NOTHING from him.
...and about two weeks ago my decision not to have my children live with me was solidified when a man tried to kidnap my neice in front of my apartment...she got away and last week the same man got a little boy that nobody has found yet.
Lastly...those of you with your so called 'opinions' can kiss my ass...grow a fucking set and say it to my face.  Losers.

 Message 21 of 32 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameBugDispenzrSent: 2/10/2006 2:04 AM
...and I am not asking for anyone's sympathy here...don't want it anyway.  As for my boyfriend moving in with me, and my children not living with me...what do those two things together have to do with the price of tea in china?  
...and do I get over things quickly?   You all are a funny group..either I'm too upset and taking shit out on you or I'm being nice and getting over things too quickly.  If you'd like, I can make a list of what I think of a few of you, but honestly it's a waste of time because those of you I'm talking about know who I'm talking about and what ignorant fucks you are.    I hope for your sake, nobody finds out what judgmental pukes you can be.

 Message 22 of 32 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameBugDispenzrSent: 2/10/2006 2:50 AM
Me too Patty.

 Message 23 of 32 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameSKYgir1Sent: 2/10/2006 5:19 AM
If everyone wants to rip on personal lives - you'd better make sure your house is in order before you judge, - and WE ALL HAVE OUR ISSUES. Many may not agree - but walk a mile in someone elses shoes people - I don't know anyone here that well, but I'm not about to judge ANYONE on child raising skills. As far as I can tell - as long as a child is loved by both parents in the best waY THEY CAN - THAT'S THE MOST ANYONE CAN HOPE FOR!!!!!!!!!

The number of members that recommended this message. 0 recommendations  Message 24 of 32 in Discussion 
Sent: 2/10/2006 4:10 PM
This message has been deleted by the author.

 Message 25 of 32 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nickname-MayfaireSent: 2/11/2006 11:57 PM
Bug, seriously, I'm sure that this really, really, really hurts.  But, I think so much of this had to have been said in the heat of the moment.  This thread must have been started right around the time FnB was created, and emotions were high then.  I know that no one really feels this way. 

 Message 26 of 32 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameBugDispenzrSent: 2/12/2006 2:37 PM
Someone I thought was my friend saying this...yeah, that kind of hurt.  As for the others...nah, but the ignorance is irritating as a mother fucker.
Thanks May

(3 recommendations so far) Message 27 of 32 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nickname-PattyCake-Sent: 2/12/2006 6:37 PM
I really don't want to argue about this because it's ridiculous.  I thought we were friends too, but when your friend got pissed at me...I didn't hear boo from you until now.  So yeah, I vented a bit and voiced my opinion on the discussion at hand. 
Too true, that people shouldn't judge others lest you be judged....but its human nature.  I won't apologize for having an opinion on you and Kendall.  Will I apologize that you saw it? Yes.  I shouldn't have voiced my opinon knowing that it would hurt you. 

 Message 28 of 32 in Discussion 
From: JellaSent: 2/13/2006 5:47 AM

Hi Bug

I'm not going to pretend that I didn't care for the way I saw the bias during that time, but then again I was under some pretty heavy stress, largely created by me,  so after some reflection and grace of time I can just chalk it up to speaking in the heat of the moment. Some times that yields honest feelings and sometimes it just is mean spirited, and for many it's a little of both.

The Loft is now Survivors 2, and that is what some wanted and now have. By the way this is not a slam against Survivors, just that it wasn't the Loft. We had quite a ride, and with all honesty I'm surprised we lasted as long as we did. We've been able to see what life can be like for so many different views and personalities wither out. Folks go through things that cause them to change, sometimes for a few days, sometimes for life. It's not a black and white world, and I think the Loft showed just how issues can divide and even end relationships between what seems to be a budding friendship.

After re-reading this thread, I can see how the judgment would piss you off. Take it from someone whom has been judged for most of his life, even from those that didn't know who or what I actually was. couple that with a low self image. That angst sometimes rears it's ugly head in me, and it has been a roller coaster ride this last 18 months and with every fiber of my being I've hated more, and hated people to the point my every thought was laced in bitterness. It nearly destroyed me at the weakest time of my life. I don't apologize, because this is how some have to live their lives. Whether founded in justification or not,  the Loft showed these imperfections in personality, and how it's reactions affect a whole community. It was it's infectious nature that was both a draw, and ultimately it's breaking point. I take my hat off to anyone that could manage such chaos.

While I didn't come to management with my disdain for what I saw, it just seemed that it wouldn't have made a difference, and now I do regret that.  You seemed quite fed up at the time, and that's something I didn't take into consideration. My own bias of course was full blown, and I was blinded with disgust for those that always tried to come across as the fair minded, yet fueled every fire with self righteousness and innuendo.

You had mentioned how chicken shite it was of me to make mention of my views at the bitchin board and not come to management, and like I said I do regret that, but at the time I had my reasons. Ultimately what I thought would happened did, so I don't think I would have made any difference. My regret comes in way of my respect for you. I'm sorry that you have been through such a difficult time, like many of us, it's called life, but you have such a strong character that I know your gonna make it through this transition and only be stronger for it. I know that seems kinda a run of the mill sort of thing to say, in your case I think it will ring true. While we may have been a little miffed with each other at that time, I do respect you for the things you've done for me, and most certainly for others.  That all seems to get lost when we caught up in the politics, rhetoric and idealism displayed on message boards.

I've never hated in my life, it was just not part of me. I have to say though, it's tough on me sometimes, for some of the people I've met, and are now members in high regard at the Loft and it's associated boards...just seeing them post makes me nauseated. I  guess that's just a residual affect of my latest life change, so I steer clear of all that, and just read those that I've come to be fond of at the Loft.  I've always defended the Loft, I'm not sure if your aware of that or not, but through all the shite, it was a place where we really did find out just how people feel, some taking longer than others to reveal their idealistic vein, but that's just like life.  Everybody wants a place where they can say what they feel, but I think few realize with that, others will do the same, and we may not be ready to hear it. The line has been crossed too many times to count, but that's what happens when you speak your truth.

What sucks, is that I wanted to have an impact, to let those that would never be associated with the likes of me, to hear some of the things I've had to deal with. I fear sometimes that I failed my mission, and that I would just be viewed as a bitter old fag, that in all likelihood will be dead in the next five years. For some odd reason I thought that these 150 or so folks would somehow change the way society I've come back to reality on that, but it was not only about me, it was those thoughts on mental illness, suicide, (that was a hard one to listen to) racism all those types of issues. I also got insight into the way young folks think, something I'm not privy too much anymore, since I hit the 40+ club. The Loft really does display the way our society thinks as a general rule, at least the white one. I admit, I wasn't ready for what I read and discovered. However disconsolate I see things, I have to try and remember that my experience  and situation has lead me to that, and balance that with the hope I see in, admittedly not the majority, but hope nonetheless.

As per Jella, I'm getting wordy, so I just want to say Thanks for the few years I had to share, I hope folks see that we all go through things that change our personalities, we have outburst, and can say mean things. For whatever reason, it's not appropriate to get so personal, but yet I hope on a larger scale why folks go through their lives with bitterness and resentment. Judgment,especially in idealism resonates in your views, supremely when their stacked one on top of each other, and as you see a pattern it becomes easy to identify you as part of a group. With that, you lose your individual identity. No one likes to have to keep defending themselves, predominantly when you've been judged by those that do not know your personal situation, nor has walked in your shoes. Naturally we all do that, and you know where I believe that comes from, and with every breath I have left in me I will work to make folks take a good hard look where judgment has lead us, and that you can be a good, honest, decent human being without the book of judgment, nor the dogma that comes with it. Bug, your name is what initially made me read you, your wit and personality made me continue to read you..... your Agnostic views drew me in even further, and your generosity and selflessness made me love you.

Again thank you.


 Message 29 of 32 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameLitaBonitaSent: 2/14/2006 3:40 AM
You are the most amazing person that has come into my life from these message boards. You are SUCH an open and honest person and I love you very,  very much.
I miss talking to you on the phone and I will not rest dammit until I meet you  - I am still jealous of the others you have met!
(by the way I have a new # lol)

 Message 30 of 32 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameBugDispenzrSent: 2/16/2006 9:35 PM
Hilary...I wasn't asking you to stand up for me.  I don't need it, I can stand up for myself. 
I have my opinions on you and your family as well, but as a friend I take care to understanding...I know you have been through some rough shit and it's not my place to judge your decision, whether I agree or not.  It's my place to be supportive and just be there.
Jella....I've been sick this week, I just came to skim some of these threads.  I want to be able to take the time to read your post when my head is out of this fog.  I don't know how long that will be, I honestly think I have appendicitis, I'm heading back to the ER again tonight.
Aside from that, thank you for taking the time and thought you did to write to me.  I will get back to you, I promise. :)

 Message 31 of 32 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameBugDispenzrSent: 2/22/2006 8:11 PM
I finally got a chance to read your message and I appreciate what you had to say.  Believe me, I understand people judging...I've listened to it from all sorts of different people regarding this situation, including my own mother.
Nobody can understand something fully unless they experience it themselves, you can say you know what you'd do but until you do it there's no way you can.
You and I haven't always seen eye to eye but I like fun to have friends that agree with everything you do and say ; ) I've always liked you, even when it seemed like we weren't getting along famously.  I have a lot of respect for you and what you've been through.  I wouldn't wish it on anybody and you've handled yourself amazingly. I wish you nothing but happiness and peace...take care and keep in touch.

 Message 32 of 32 in Discussion 
From: TreeSent: 9/14/2006 6:45 AM
Bugs, I went over 10 yrs without any contact with my two daughters because I chose to put their welfare first. They both had happy, secure, and loving homes while I was living on the roads or the streets and risking my life. As adults they're both back in my life, not always easy but at least we know each other. Personally, I salute any parent who puts the child's welfare ahead of the selfishness of dragging them through his or her dramas and misadventures.

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