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| | From:  Avidly (Original Message) | Sent: 6/14/2007 6:18 AM |
at group tonight I brought up the issue about my ex emailing me. yes, even a week later its buggin the hell out of me. while i was talking, my body had like a nervous breakdown or something, i just started shaking violently and my voice cracked... i think it was the reaction i've wanted to ahve since day one but had never had a chance to let my walls down in private. i guess in the sactity of group i finally felt safe enough to let go. donna asked if i was scared of him, and without thinking i said yes, and i'm scared for josie even. I don't know where his mental stability is, because it was bad in 1994, i can't imagine the army life in kosovo and afghanistan have helped him any. i picture him hunting me down, do whatever you want to me you can't hurt me anymore, but if you lay a hand on my daughter.. fuck. she gave me a couple of awesome 'spells' to do. first i should write his name on a piece of paper, fold it up, place it in an old pill bottle, or something with a tight lid, and fill it with water. then throw it in the freezer for eternity. it 'freezes' him, and keeps him from ever trying to contact me again.  and if that doesn't work, i should roll out 9 sheets of toilet paper, write his name on each sheet, and put it away until, well, it's time to use it. wipe, toss and flush his memory away.  if THAT doesn't work, then we need to congregate the women together on a full moon, make a sort of effigy of him, stuff it with rotten food, do other nasty things to it, then dump it somewhere in the countryside for it to rot away or get eaten by something. this oughta do the trick.   i can't wait to freeze him tomorrow morning. i had a great meditation where i faced him and told exactly what was on my mind, and that he need NEVER try to contact me again. it was very freeing. i guess i can finally understand that battered woman syndrone, whenthey keep returning to the man. no matter how much i hate him, i feel this intangible cosmic force continually pulling me towards him. I have battled against myself all week, not quite yet convinced that i didn't need to respond. i felt i somehow owed it to him. what the hell do i owe him? absolutely nothing but maybe a swift kick to the groin. yet again today i had a breakdown over lunchhour thinking i needed to reach out, maybe he needed me. i'll never understand it. i just thank my stars i have the ladies of group, and you wonderful women to talk me through this. i love you all. |
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| | | From: Jag | Sent: 6/19/2007 2:50 PM |
<BIG HUG> You're wonderful yourself... and you're welcome.  |
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I just saw this. I'll say it a thousand times....I listen to my gut instincts on stuff like this. |
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Kind of ironic that amid all this, the term "cheese ball" keeps coming up. |
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| | | From: Avidly | Sent: 6/19/2007 10:50 PM |
| Definitely, Dede. I'm so glad I didn't give in to my curiousity. Now I have to figure out how to delete my name from that stupid LinkedIn website. Weird that he went through that instead of myspace or facebook. Maybe the army has those blocked. |
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| | | From: Avidly | Sent: 6/20/2007 5:55 PM |
| You rock, Jag. I sent in my request to be deleted. :-) |
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I have those feelings of confusion and a strange sort of sympathy for some of the men in my past but I find fear is a huge element in the mix for me too. That's exactly how I feel about Josh's dad. |
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| | | From: Jag | Sent: 6/20/2007 7:39 PM |
<BIG HUG> To fabulous, strong, independent women... To us... I love y'all...  |
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| | | From: Avidly | Sent: 2/10/2008 9:55 PM |
oh good lord. guess who found me on myspace.  what is his problem? it's been 15 years already. let it go! |
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| | | From: Avidly | Sent: 2/11/2008 3:30 AM |
so I wrote back-- "why do you insist on contacting me?" he wrote back this snotty "oh my mistake for thinking you would see this as simple curiousity and not an attempt to start a relationship. I'll never bother you or your family again." I'm thinking, damn straight you're never bothering my family again. fuckhead. like to see you try. still have a feeling this won't be the last time. a normal person doesn't just go emailing an ex-girlfriend 15 years after a disasterous breakup, do they? let alone, keep on trying to contact the ex after they continue to ignore your attempts? |
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My ex just appeared on mysepace as well...the one who beat me... and at first i was scared too... then the "connection" you talked about made me see what he wanted (plus hes 12000 miles away) and he apologized... said it was all the drugs he was doing...which i know he was doing... and then out of no where he says he impotent... i was like ok... i haven't spoken to him since but the apology kinda helped but what really helped was the me getting to laugh at him being impotent...LOL.. and why would he share this? Guys are weird I can completely understand why it scares you and I hope he does stay away cause his response his getting angry taht you wouldn't want to talk to him his sick |
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