Hey, guys.

 

I'm sorry to say that the reason I've been away is that my mother died on Tuesday.

 

She had been diagnosed with lung cancer in early-December.  She had undergone two rounds of chemotherapy and a full-cycle of radiation treatments.  She seemed to be doing great.  Then, on Saturday the 29th, she took a drastic turn for the worse and was admitted to the hospital with (among other things) extreme difficulty breathing.  I was at Sundance at the time.  All of us, including the doctors, assumed that it was a temporary setback due to the treatment (a side effect of the radiation and the chemo).  She had some good days and some bad days, and it wasn't until late last week that it began to become clear that this wasn't something that she was likely to recover from.  Unfortunately, I had caught a cold in Utah, and they were keeping her isolated from contagious people.  I spent last weekend trying to recover so that I would be able to come home and see her.  Sunday turned out to be a really good day and they began talking about bringing her home with hospice care so that she could live out the remainder of her life (potentially as much as a year) at home.  Needless to say, this was very good news.

 

On Monday morning as I was getting ready to go to the office, I got a phone call from my sister telling me that her condition had worsened, and doctors were saying that it might be good for me to come back sooner rather than later.  As soon as I got into the office, I made arrangements to fly out on Tuesday morning and get in Tuesday evening.  An hour later, my other sister called and said that I should try to get home sooner.  I dropped everything and tried my best to find a flight that would get me home that day.  I had my co-worker and the company's travel department searching with me.  Fortunately, there was a flight that left in a couple of hours and got in at midnight.  Luckily, I have a friend staying at my house who could take care of my dogs, so I ran home, packed up a few things, and rushed to the airport.  My flight landed at 11:30, and grabbed a rental car and began driving home. 

 

I made it to the hospital at 2:30 A.M., and, thank God, my mother was still alive.  She was not conscious because they had her on a ton of morphine and atavan, but I am convinced that she knew that I had arrived.  When I was walking down the hall towards the room, a family friend who was in the room told her I was coming and she opened her eyes a little.  I was able to tell her everything I wanted to say and cry with her and hold her and kiss her, and when I left at 7:00 A.M. to get some sleep, she was stable and resting comfortably.  At 10:45, the phone rang, and it was my sister telling me that she had died.  My father was in the room with her, holding her hand.  He said that her breathing got slower and slower and finally stopped.  She was a DNR (do not resuscitate), so they allowed her to die peacefully.

 

As tragic as this is, I'm trying to look for the positives.  She held on until I got to see her again.  Although I didn't have enough time with her, I did get 36 years with the greatest mother the world has ever seen.  Although the cancer killed her extremely quickly (it was just over 2 months from diagnosis till now), at least she didn't have to suffer for a long time.

 

I'm surrounded by family and family friends, all of whom loved my mother very much.  The memorial service is tomorrow, and I'll be staying here till the middle of next week.  It's really hard, but I'm getting through it as well as can be expected.

 

I'm sorry I didn't share this situation with all of you earlier, but I can only say that talking about it (and particularly writing about it) made it feel so much more real, and I was trying desperately to believe it wasn't real. 

 

Thank you all for being there for me every time I've needed you, and know that I'm now ready to lean on you as I go through this.

 

Love,

 

drew