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| | | From: Ridley (Original Message) | Sent: 9/24/2004 3:58 AM |
wrote this several years ago. I thought I had lost it but I found it and I thought I would share. It was at a very low point in my life. As You Wish 5-23-96 Come with me, seperate from your ties, Don't look ahead, just look into my eyes. Nothing you believed before is as important as here and now, Don't worry about the future, ask no questions of why or how. Give me your idependence, give me your very being, Empty yourself. Stay. Don't ever think of fleeing. The trapdoor has shut the creation is complete, Isn't it nice to be taken care of? Isn't captivity sweet? Relax, don't pace so! I have you in my hand. I have your worth, your freedom, now do you understand? I know what's best for you, I'll take care of you it's my job! Don't you know I love you, I won't take advantage, I won't ever rob? I won't be resentful, I won't take you for granted, yes, I'll stay. I'll be here for good, I won't leave, I will never go away. So you're resigned, you're not fighting, you finally see? Hey that is great! I'm so glad! Now we agree! |
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| | | From: Ridley | Sent: 9/24/2004 3:58 AM |
Another sad poem... Indifference 4-05-01 I love you so much and I wish I could share, But when I open up to you I have to beware. I want to share with you my fire, my essence, my being, But when you look at me there is only blankness, you glance without seeing. I gesture, smile, and point to the door, You smile, yawn and look at the floor. I try harder to make you understand, to make you see, When you reject my gift, you are rejecting me! I know we can't share everything, It just feels like death when I can't sing. I want you to care, to love me and my gift, Your approval means so much it really gives me a lift. Your disapproval breaks me and burns me to the core, Indifference is rejection, nothing hurts more. I know I can't change you or open your eyes, But do you want me to fade into nothing into a disguise. Please hear what I am saying, I don't want to offend, Our worlds are so different and I know they don't blend. But I want to know you and I care about what makes you tick, But you always shut me out, and that fact makes me sick. If you don't open your world to me, I can't come in, I open my world to you, I hold my breath and then, I think he's going to do it, he's going to enter my door, But then you smile, pat my head, yawn, and look at the floor! |
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| | | From: Ridley | Sent: 9/24/2004 3:59 AM |
And yet more... Fire vs Ice 2000 I am a woman of fire who fell in love with a man made of ice, We started a new life together, believing our love would suffice. I noticed a change brought on slowly, as each day faded into a blurr, We were making small changes in the other, I felt a new feeling astir. I noticed my flame started flickering, I thought it would surely go out, I thought perhaps I should let it, I was freezing completely in doubt. Before I knew it I was an ember, in shock I tried to fan the flame, Then water on my iceman started trickling, he reacted in anger and blame. Both of us bent on survival, we turned up our power full blast, He melted and my fire sputtered, everything was happening too fast. Each determined to outlast the other, we started our battle anew, As I stared into his eyes intently, I felt my lips turning blue. He was melting so quickly I shuddered, then I turned up the fire full force, Convinced he would become a man of fire, I continued my destructive course. When all of the fighting was fininshed, I looked all around in dismay, Because of my dreams and assumptions my iceman had melted away! |
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| | | From: Ridley | Sent: 9/24/2004 3:59 AM |
Ah Catharsis, it's a wonderful thing, lol. Trash on the Ground 4-10-03 I had a tiny flower small but all my own, It was a beautiful flower mine and mine alone Other people saw it but never really understood They never saw its value, not a single person could I watered it with my tears and left it in the sun I brought it back into myself when the day was done It grew and it flourished and in time it took shape My flower kept me living it was my only escape I once shared with others this essence of my soul Now I don’t even bother I am an empty hole People look with out seeing, they can only shake their head I peer into eyes so empty, I shudder with fear and with dread I had a tiny flower but it was ruined by malice and spite Days blend into each other no difference between day and night I cry into the silence. I scream, I beg and I plead I guess I should grow another, plant another seed But the effort to me seems futile I think I will just lie down And join my tiny flower scattered like trash on the ground. |
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| | | From: Ridley | Sent: 11/19/2004 11:12 PM |
Significance Why have you left me here all alone? Only ripples in a pond left, A word on the tip of my tongue, A thought almost remembered, I call out for you, are you dead? No answer only silence, Everything is deathly still, I wait to feel your breath. I scream to break the silence. My scream is swallowed. No sound reaches my ears. What should I do. I throw myself on the floor. I am having a tantrum like a child. I kick and scream and writhe in agony. Still it does not break the silence. I am desperate, I sigh in frustration. The sound rattles the ground. Buildings crumble into dust. The noise is deafening. Ridley 2004 |
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It is some well written ( albeit somewhat sad ), poetry, Ridley. Hopefully the things that caused the low points have eased since then.  |
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| | | From: Ridley | Sent: 11/22/2004 2:34 PM |
Thank you Red. |
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| | | From: Ridley | Sent: 4/26/2005 8:23 PM |
Liar What a fool I've to have believed you so completely, You must be having a good laugh on me. I've discovered I don't know you anymore, I don't know if I should react or ignore. Do you ever tell me the truth or is it all a lie? Are you bidding your time until you say goodbye? If I am not what you want, why did you choose me? Why do you stay? I simply don't see, How you can look me in the eye and lie without having to flinch, I give in to you again and lose myself inch by inch. I don't know what's right, I don't know what to do, I'm so confused I have no one to turn to. I hate myself for not calling your bluff, Will I ever reach the point when I've had enough? Or will I continue to die a little every day? Will I continue to give in to you in every way? Will I just fade away until you have what you seek, A robot without thought, who asks to speak. And will anyone mourn the death of my soul, When I give into you and your total control? |
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| | | From: Disisme | Sent: 4/27/2005 6:41 PM |
This one really hit's home,...beautiful work Rid. |
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