I figure since I started my ranting in how is your Monday. I better come here instead.
Like I said the bf is treating me like I am out cheating on him everytime I go off to work. I have cheated on guys that I have been with before. But I am trying to change that. I seem to cheat when I am not happy in the present situation. Thinking that will make it better. Which I know isn't true. So I am trying to turn over a new leaf and not do that. But, he accuses me even when I am not doing anything. Man I HATE THAT!! It is almost like I want to just for him to be right about it.
I can't live like this anymore. Maybe it is cuz I am so indepentant.(sp)(having a brain fart with the word). I am just use to doing everything myself. I really can't change that and don't want to. Been that way since I was 7 years old.
He makes me feel like I have done thing wrong. He is home all the time cuz he is on disablity. I understand that he gets lonely. But I have never stopped him from going out and meeting people or going places. It seems that I am the only person that he can go anywhere with. He really doesn't know people where we live. But I gave him the option to stay with his family before we moved back so I could be with my Kids.
I feel that it was a wrong choice for him to come here with me. Cuz all we do is fight now. It is always over stupid stuff. Then you throw in the fact that he isn't taking his meds. He is diabedic.(sp) I have told him that I don't want to sit here and watch him die. His responce is I won't God doesn't want me.
So I really don't know what to do now. It is eating me up inside and I can't take it anymore. I should mention that there is a guy that I have been talking to online for the last 6years. Which he thinks that I am going to leave him for. I have No plans for leaving and this guy and I work too much for us to get together somewhere.
RIGHT NOW I HATE LIFE. But, God will show me the way I hope.
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