1.. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour
a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto! The
blockage will be almost instantly removed.

2.. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by =
getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3.. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat
by simply using the sink.

4.. High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and
bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your
arteries.

5.. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will
prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep when you
hit the snooze button.

6.. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives,
then you will be afraid to cough.

7.. Have a bad toothache? Hit your thumb with a hammer, then
you will forget about the toothache.

AND..... Sometimes we just need to remember what The Rules of
Life really are...

You need only two tools: WD-40 oil and duct tape. If it
doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and
shouldn't, use the duct tape.

Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another =
chance!

And finally... Be really good to your family and friends. You =
never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.