Limericks

There was a young woman named Bright
Whose speed was much faster than light.
She set out one day
In a relative way,
And returned on the previous night.

There was a young lady one fall
Who wore a newspaper dress to a ball.
The dress caught fire
And burned her entire
Front page, sporting section and all.

There once was a young man from Lyme
Who scored a goal for the very first time!
The young man was glad
But his teammates were sad
'Cause he hadn't changed sides at half time!

There once was a lady named Lynn
Who was so uncommonly thin,
That when she assayed
To drink lemonade,
She slipped through the straw and fell in!

There was a young maiden, a Sioux,
As tempting as fresh honeydioux.
She displayed her cute knees
As she strolled past tepees,
And the braves, they all hollered "Wioux-Wioux!"

There was a young man from the Clyde
Who fell down a sewer and died
Along came his brother,
Who fell down another
And now they're interred side by side!

By beauty I am not a star.
There are others more handsome by far.
My face I don't mind it.
because I'm behind it.
It's the people in front that I jar.

There once was a boy from Montreal
Who loved to play basketball
For a team he tried out
But if he made it, I doubt
For you see, he was three feet tall!

An old fellow dining at Crewe
Found a very large bug in his stew.
Said the waiter, "Don't shout
And wave it about,
Or the rest will be wanting one too.

There once was a girl from Great Britain
Who carelessly sat on her kitten
Imagine her surprise
and the look in her eyes
when on the behind she was bitten.

There was a plump knight named Sir Keith
Who removed his sword from its sheath
He fought for his honor
But soon was a goner
And the dragon stood picking his teeth.

There was a young woman of Leeds
Who swallowed six packets of seeds.
In a month, silly lass,
She was covered with grass,
And she couldn't sit down for the weeds.

Roses can sometimes be red
And violets are generally blue
For it's not in the rhyming
But all in the timing
That makes a dumb Limerick true