|
|
 |
Reply
| |
| DEAR ABBY 
Have you ever felt like you had something done wrong to you? Maybe something in your life is not as you want it to be? Feeling a bit down, blue maybe? Well this is the place you want to be. For whatever the reason, we are here to try to help you with them. Come on in, sit on the couch, and tell us all about it. We are there for you. We are not here to judge anyone as we are a family here. The rules are that you must place your concern or upset in "separate threads", so we can easily read them and answer to them. To have them all under one thread would confuse us and you having to search for the answers. | |
|
 First
Previous
2-6 of 6
Next
Last
|
|
Reply
| |
 Dear Abbey, I have an issue that is haunting me. I have an eldest son, 22 now he is..... we have not been real close for several years since he moved in with his natural father at 15. He has been very negative towards me the last several years, blaming me for his shitty life and his inability to love me.....says I taught him physical love and play acted the rest as I stayed in an abusive marriage too long and forsaked him  My issue is through all the pain and sadness....his 22nd B'day came and went....I completely forgot to call him . I had just flew in from England, called him when I landed and he put me off....from there I went about my business at home, unpacking etc. Should I call and apologize with an explanation or should I let it go as part of me feels like he purposely ignored my B'day as his way to continue hurting me.... I feel bad that I forgot his B;day as his mother and I love this son more than he will ever know ! Signed, Mother-in-pain |
|
Reply
| |
Dear Mother-in-pain, I'm so sorry to hear about your painful situation, I feel your pain just reading your words. I'd bet that there's a connection to your son's moving in with his father and your son's negative attitude toward you. No doubt your ex has greatly influenced your son's perceptions of you. You being in an abusive marriage I'm sure was hard on your son but that's in the past and can't be changed and I think once your son grows up a little, he'll realize how lucky he is to have a mom like you who survived what you have and have risen above all the hurt of the past. 22 is still very young and he's not been around you for a while it sounds like so he's probably just lost touch with his feelings and having his father as his main influence for the past several years has undoubtedly colored your son's perceptions of you. I'd think it's safe to say that your son's words are mere echoes of his father's and they're being spoken out of pain and NOT his true feelings. If he didn't have any feelings for you at all he wouldn't have bothered to express them to you. He's hurting and confused and he doesn't know how to get that across and he's pretending he doesn't need you so he's pushing you away when that's most likely the last thing he wants. I understand you feel bad for missing your son's birthday and I strongly feel that you need to sit down and write out what you're feeling and send it to your son, it doesn't matter that his b-day is late, write down everything you've just put in this post and anything else you're feeling, stick it in a belated b-day card and send it off. When one sits down and reads the written word, the ego has to rest and it's much easier to absorb sometimes than just talking over the phone or even in person. I look at it this way, if I have something I've been thinking of telling someone like what I feel about them or anything else and I knew that today was the last chance I'd ever have to tell them, would I or would I let the opportunity pass me by? Life is short and fleeting and too filled with regrets. You might be surprised at your son's reaction if he knew how you were really feeling and possibly it would allow him to break down his own walls and let his mom back in. Will say a prayer for you about this, Love, hugs and blessings! Robyn |
|
Reply
| |
Can anyone answer these, I do hope so cos I am about to leave a reply to this thread, if its a no no please accept my apologies and delete my post. Maria . Dear Mother in pain, I do sympathise with you and your plight , and partially agree with the above reply, however I dont think it is really so much a matter of your ex having influenced your Sons overall perception of you, I would say this is more to do with his feelings of rejection, I assume it was his idea to go to live with his Father, and I would say that in his doing so it was a cry for help for you to possibly demonstrate how much he meant to you, and that he only went to live with his Father originally as a way of getting your attention, however I gather you were in full agreement to his moving in with his Father and hence your Sons plan backfired and he now feels rejected and bitter towards you for not seeing what he was doing in moving out,as a result of which as the years have passed his rejection has turned to bitterness and he is now trying to inflict his hurt and pain onto you. I think you really would do yourself and your relationship with your Son the world of good if as SheCat has already suggested you sit down and write down everything you feel how hurt you are about whats happened and tell him you never wanted him to go and anything else that was relevant to that time, its not too late you can mend the bridges but it wont happen over night, but if you do nothing the rift will just get bigger and bigger and something that started out as something relatively trivial has become a major issue and will only get worse as time passes, if you love your Son which I am sure you do then tell him, now not tomorrow or later but now, write it all down and then just pop it into the postbox and send it , dont even re read it, or you may be tempted to omit parts of it. Dont expect a miracle, or for him to Welcome you with open arms immediately, but in time if he knows you really do care for him he will come around, he isnt too blame no one is this is a very sad case of misunderstanding, He really does need for you to tell him how much he means to you, hes hurting too I am sure of that, Good Luck, Maria ( Seductive_ Scorpio) |
|
Reply
| |
Hi there! Sure, feel free to leave any response you like, you have a good point in your post: I assume it was his idea to go to live with his Father, and I would say that in his doing so it was a cry for help for you to possibly demonstrate how much he meant to you, and that he only went to live with his Father originally as a way of getting your attention I hadn't thought of that as a possibility and you're able to give a mother's perspective here where I'm not able to from firsthand experience. You always have good insight and valued advice so feel free to respond anywhere you like! Hugs! Kittycat |
|
|
First
Previous
2-6 of 6
Next
Last
|
|
|
Free Forum Hosting
Important Announcement
Return to Dear Abby
