Hi there! Think I know what you mean here, I wasn't involved in any of this and I'm not aware of the specifics that took place but I am aware that some major stuff has gone down between some former and current members in this group. I'm personally unaware of what took place, who said what to whom, etc. and it's none O my business anyway but yes I agree that there's been tension on the boards, especially with those caught in the middle of the controversy, the hints and innuendos are no doubt going to escalate unless the parties here clear the air with the party/parties who are caught in the middle between who was banned and the members still here who still may harbor unresolved resentment or a lack of closure about everything.
I'd hate to see anything happen to cause walls to be built up and contribute any negativity or tension to a great group like this. I recall one posting in particular, when a member was asked about their relationship with a former member of the group and she in turn responded, saying something to the effect of she wasn't wanting to discuss that here.
It's a sticky situation when people are caught in the middle between their relationship with someone who's no longer here and who also isn't seen in the best light by some here and still maintaining friendships with them at the same time. I've been in a situation like this myself and it puts you in a very awkward position and if both sides (significant other and your friends) don't cooperate in leaving the other out of it, the one in the middle is often forced to make a choice and therefore, shared loyalties are then out of the question, it becomes all or nothing.
The only way to avoid this tension in my opinion is simply to agree to disagree, we won't always like or get along with our friends' friends or lovers but if we hope to maintain ties with them we sometimes have to separate ourselves from those we no longer correspond with for the sake of our continued friendships with those who ARE involved with them. If friendships have a strong foundation, they should be able to sustain this but the only real way to keep things running smooth is to agree not to mention the individuals with whom some members still have hard feelings or unresolved issues. Its hard enough when conflicts arise and friendships come to and end but those left behind caught in the middle have an especially difficult time, not wanting to give anyone up that they care about.
Best just not to discuss the person/s at all, period. If the individual involved with this person is big enough to rise above what's happened and remain friends with those who had the falling out with their significant other and is able to separate her relationship with him from her friendships with the others here everyone should do the same thing and let it go and just concentrate on the friendships we all share here and not worry about anything else.
Hope this helps, this is what I've experienced in other groups and how things have been handled and it's worked out well for the most part!
Hugs and blessings!
Robyn
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