Men are just happier people. What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Their last name stays put. The garage is all theirs. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack.
They can be President. They can never be pregnant. They can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. They can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell them the truth.
The world is their urinal. They never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. They don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress: $5000... tux rental: $100. People never stare at their chest when they're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle their feet. One mood. All the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. They know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. They can open all their own jars. They get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite them, he or she can still be their friend.
Their underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. They almost never have strap problems in public. They are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on their face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. They only have to shave their face and neck.
They can play with toys all their life. Their belly usually hides their big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color for all seasons. They can wear shorts no matter how their legs look. They can "do" their nails with a pocket knife. They have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. They can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
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