"A home security system, Southern style":
1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of used men's work boots,
size 14 - 16.
2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo
magazine.
3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads:
Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke and Slim,
I went for more ammunition. Back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit
bulls - they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up real
bad. I don't think Killer took part in it but it was hard to tell from
all the blood.
Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside,
Cooter