heya woman! I don't mind you coming in here and "venting" as you say. That's what friends do, and good ones listen up! I hope things get better for you and I can totally relate to not being able to utilize something that brings you inner peace ... that's a very important thing to have in one's life I think... and if it's gone too long, things can go sour ... in many respects, been there done that!
Drop me a line whenever you want, you still have my email if it's not something to talk about here ...
*hugz*