The Reverend John Flapps was pastor of a small town. One day he was walking down High Street and he noticed a young lady of his congregation sitting in a pub drinking beer. The reverend wasn't happy.
>
> He walked through the open door of the pub and sat down next to the woman.
>
> Mrs. Fitzgerald," he said sternly. "This is no place for a member of my congregation. Why don't you let me take you home?"
>
> Sure," she said with a slur, obviously very drunk. When Mrs. Fitzgerald stood up from the bar, she began to weave back and forth. The reverend realized that she'd had far too much to drink and grabbed her arms to steady her. When he did, they both lost their balance and tumbled to the floor. After rolling around for a few moments, the reverend wound up on top Of Mrs. Fitzgerald, her skirt hiked up to her waist.
>
> The pub landlord looked over and said, "Oy Mate, we won't have any of that carrying on in this pub."
>
> The reverend looked up at the landlord and said, "But you don't understand, I'm Pastor Flapps."
>
> The landlord nodded and said, "Oh well, if you're that far in, you might as well finish."
>
>
>
> ------------------
> An Australian tour guide was showing a group of American
> tourists the Top End On their way to Kakadu he was describing
> the abilities of the Australian Aborigine to track man or
> beast over land, through the air or beneath the sea. The
> Americans were incredulous.
>
> Then later in the day, the tour rounded a bend on the highway
> and discovered, lying in the middle of the road, an Aborigine.
> He had one ear pressed to the white line whilst his left leg
> was held high in the air. The tour stopped and the guide and
> the tourists gathered around the prostrate Aborigine.
>
> "Jacky," said the tour guide, "what are you tracking and what
> are you listening for?"
>
> The aborigine replied, "Down the road about 25 miles is a
> 1971 Valiant Ute. It's red. The left front tire is bald. The
> front end is out of whack and it has dents in every panel.
> There are 9 blackfellas in the back, all drinking warm sherry.
> There are 3 kangaroos on the roof rack and 6 dogs on the front
> seat."
>
> The American tourists moved forward, astounded by this precise
> and detailed knowledge.
>
> "Wow, man! How do you know all that?" asked one American.
>
> The Aborigine replied, "I fell out of the bloody thing about
> half an hour ago."
> ---------------------------------
>
> A woman has a problem with her closet door, it was falling every time a bus was passing by.
>
> So she called a repair man.
>
> The repairman comes and sees that indeed, the door falls out every time when a bus passes by.
>
> "OK, I am gonna see what is going on, just close the door behind me" and he steps into the closet.
>
> At that time the husband comes from work, opens the closet and finds the repairman.
>
> Husband: "What the hell are you doing here!"
>
> Repairman: "Well, you are not going to believe it, but I am waiting for a bus!"
>