Today is exactly one month since Jerry passed away. I thought time was going so slowly but its already been a month that Jerry has not been with me. I have so many mixed feelings about this date. I want to scream and cry and on the other hand I am finally glad that he is out of pain. I picture him sitting around a table with our 2 friends that have gone before him and they are talking about the same things we are. The memories. Wonder where he is? Wonder what hes doing? I miss him so much. Even the bad times that all marriages go through don't seem so bad right now. I wish I had been more patient toward the end before he went into the hospital for the last time. Then I think about how selfish I am to want him back. I really don't want him to hurt like he did just to make me happy. I also believe that he is in a happy place now and I wouldn't want to take that away from him. I am glad I gave him instructions for when he got to heaven. I told him to wait for me and no women! I am getting sick a lot lately with a constant headache and stomach problems. I think thats part of the grieving for me. I can't remember anything. I look for the same things every day to make sure they are where they are supposed to be. Thats what lists are for.
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