> LOST IN THE DARNDEST PLACES:
> An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her
> car has
> been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to
> the
> dispatcher: 'They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the
> brake pedal and
> even the accelerator!' she cried.
> The dispatcher said, 'Stay calm. An officer is on the way.'
> A few minutes later, the officer radios in. 'Disregard.' He says.
> 'She got
> in the back-seat by mistake.'
> ________________________________________________________________________
>
>
> FAMILY
> Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One
> night the
> 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells
> to the
> other sisters, 'Was I getting in or out of the bath?'
> The 94-year-old yells back, 'I don't know. I'll come up and see.'
> She starts
> up the stairs and pauses 'Was I going up the stairs or down?'
> The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening
> to her
> sisters. She shakes her head and says, 'I sure hope I never get that
> forgetful, knock on wood.' She then yells, 'I'll come up and help
> both of you as soon
> as I see who's at the door.'
> ________________________________________________________________________
>
>
> 'I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!'
> Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine
> March
> day. One remarked to the other, 'Windy, isn't it?'
> 'No,' the second man replied, 'it's Thursday.'
> And the third man chimed in, 'So am I. Let's have a beer.'
> _______________________________________________________________________
>
>
> LITTLE LADY:
> A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing
> home. As
> she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say
> 'Supersex.' She
> walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at
> him, she
> said, 'Supersex.'
> He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, 'I'll take
> the
> soup.'
> _______________________________________________________________________
>
>
> OLD FRIENDS:
> Now this one is just too Precious...!
> Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the
> years, they
> had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their
> activities
> had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One
> day, they
> were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, 'Now don't
> get mad at
> me .. I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't
> think of
> your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please
> tell me
> what your name is.'
> Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared
> and
> glared at her. Finally she said, 'How soon do you need to know?'
> _______________________________________________________________________
>
>
> SENIOR DRIVING
> As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
> Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, 'Herman,
> I just heard on
> the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77.
> Please be
> careful!'
> 'Heck,' said Herman, 'It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!'
> _______________________________________________________________________
>
>
> DRIVING
> Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could
> barely see
> over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an
> intersection.
> The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the
> passenger seat thought to herself 'I must be losing it. I could have
> sworn we just
> went through a red light.' After a few more minutes, they came to
> another
> intersection and the light was red again. Again, they went right
> through. The
> woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been
> red but was
> really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous. At
> the
> next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on
> through. So,
> she turned to the other woman and said, 'Mildred, did you know that
> we just
> ran through three red lights in a row? You co uld have killed us both!'
> Mildred turned to her and said, 'Oh, crap, am I driving ?'
> _______________________________________________________________________
>
>
> TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO me!!!!
>
>
>
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