HEARTLIGHT(R) Magazine

October 23, 2008
 
 
TODAY'S ARTICLE  

Untangling Family Knots, by Ann Voskamp


"It'll get better if you get closer."

John's mom laughs as she untangles five-year-old John and Malakai, two
boys practicing for a three-legged-race at a community gathering.

But our Malakai is close to tears as I unknot him from a snarl of arms
and legs and feet. "Really, if you'll get closer, put your arms around
each other, you'll find it gets easier."

John's mom takes an arm and wraps it around a shoulder and I find one
too and direct it around a neck, and the boys shyly giggle and step out
again. "One-two! One-two! One-two!"

John's mom chants, and I cheer, and the boys stride off in rhythm, arms
flung over shoulders. And the boys turn faces to each other, happy eyes
shining, and belly-laugh. Us mamas can't help but laugh too. They're
maneuvering life's tangle!

For isn't family life a bit of a three-legged race? Days tie us
together, and schedules trip us up, and everything snarls. We stumble
and fall and it hurts. "It'll get better if we get closer." Because
relationship -- love -- is the most transformative force in the
universe. It's what God wants with us: intimate relationship. Get
closer. And it will get better.

Too often, I buy the lie, the one the serpent hisses.

* Speak harsher and it will get better. (More tasks will get
accomplished.)

* Push harder and it will get better. (More places can get crammed
into the hours.)

* Bluster longer and it will get better. (More life squeezed into
life.)

But don't I know it? "A brother offended is harder to be won than a
strong city ..." (Proverbs 18:19). The harshness, the blustering, the
pushing, offends and we trip. Knees and elbows smash and we bruise. It
gets harder to get up.

A flurry of accomplishments will not get us happily across life's
finish line. Tasks aren't the purpose or the priority. If to-do lists
are what compel us, inevitably, we'll stumble. Because that's not the
essence of family life. The essence of family life is the care of
souls.

When we tenderly draw near, collect hearts, wrap each other in arms and
love, we hit our stride. The three-legged race (or five legged or seven
legged or ten legged race) becomes a happy delight. We get closer. And
it gets better.

What I'm learning as we step (sometimes fumble) through the
three-legged race of family life, these ways of getting closer
genuinely make it better:

* Reach out and gently touch when you talk; make it a practice to
always connect before your direct.

* Fully listen to conversations with your ears, eyes, whole body
language. Smile into eyes.

Relationship is ... all there is.

* Make time for walks, a mug of hot chocolate, a chapter of a book
read aloud together. There's no better way to spend time than
making time.

* Fill your words with the affection you feel. Children don't assume
they're loved when our words aren't loving.

* Tuck in with long talks in the dark, a foot rub, prayers. It's the
happiest way to finish a day.

* Slow down: the priority is hearts not household tasks. Take a deep
breath and preach to yourself often: "I want to be, more than I
want to do."

Relationship is not just the priority. It's all there is. Our family
relationships are hallowed. Aren't they forever? (And, yes, true, clean
floors and schedules aren't.)

The three-legged boys practice intently and when the race begins, I'm
at the other end, arms wide open, ready for Malakai and John as they
step, tumble, laugh across the finish line.

And when they fall into me and I wrap them up, this happiness feels
good. We're closer and it couldn't be better.

Lord, cause me to draw near today -- to You, to others. Relationship is
all there is.

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(c) 2008 Holy Experience