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Feeling Left Out
Just sitting down to write this chapter made us feel a little sad. It makes us sad because we know how much it hurts to feel left out. And if you're feeling that way, we want you to know we understand how you feel because we've both felt that way before. We've also talked to lots and lots of middle schoolers who feel that way, too. Feeling left out is no fun. We may not know the exact reason why you're feeling left out, but we do know a few of the common reasons why it happens:
Middle schoolers are selfish. Most kids your age are way more worried about their own survival, popularity, friendships, and so on than they are about yours. Because being in middle school is so tough, it's pretty common for middle schoolers to overlook the needs of their classmates because they're just too busy looking out for their own needs. In other words, sometimes people leave out other people not because they're trying to be mean or hurtful, but just because they aren't thinking about the other person at all.
Middle schoolers move in herds. What we mean is that most kids your age like to hang out with and spend time with other kids who look, act, and dress like them, and who do the things they like to do. It's super-easy for them to leave out other kids if they don't believe they have a lot in common with them. There are lots of other reasons, but those two are probably the biggest. So what do you do when you feel left out? Well, to be honest there's no easy answer to that, but here are a few thoughts:
Be yourself. Don't try to be somebody you aren't, just to fit in. Trying to change who you are will usually backfire on you. The people you're trying to fit in with
can tell you're trying too hard, and they may end up leaving you out even more.
Be friendly. There's a verse in the Bible that says one "who has friends must...be friendly" (Proverbs 18:24, NKJV). Sometimes people who've been left out a whole lot start to respond by shutting others out, treating them poorly, and acting like they really don't care. This just results in a crazy cycle of being left out even more.
Be an "includer of others." If you're feeling left out, you aren't the only one. What if you decided to find other kids who also seem to be left out and include them? Pretty soon you'd have a group of friends who no longer feel left out because now you've all been included--by each other. Pretty cool stuff!
Know that you're never alone. We know this sounds a lot like two middle school pastors talking, but remember that even if you feel alone, you aren't. God is with you; he's on your side and he wants to help you figure out this whole middle school thing.
MICHAEL T. POWERS |
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Know that you're never alone. We know this sounds a lot like two middle school pastors talking, but remember that even if you feel alone, you aren't. God is with you; he's on your side and he wants to help you figure out this whole middle school thing. |
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