Back home that summer he persuaded a friend to arrange a meeting and soon the pair were inseparable. When Kevin began his professional hockey career with the Buffalo Sabers, however, they suddenly found themselves in a long-distance relationship. To a young woman in love, the separation and repeated goodbyes were anything but welcome. "I really didn't think about hockey or a glamorous lifestyle," Kim remembers. "I just wanted us to be together."

Three months before their wedding in June of 1992, Kevin joined the Montreal Canadians and the small town girl soon found herself 3,000 miles from home in a large city where almost everyone spoke another language. With her husband on the road, Kim withdrew into their 16th floor apartment, grappling with loneliness and anxiety.

To fill the lonely hours, she enrolled in some classes, involved herself in the team's charity events, and was soon working full-time. Finding enough to do was no longer a problem. But at night rest eluded her as frustration and anger over her circumstances began to eat away at her peace of mind.

When Kim discovered she was pregnant, new anxieties took over. Would childbirth be too difficult? Would the baby be all right? On the day Kim went into labor, Kevin received word that he had been traded. And soon after baby Mikayla arrived, the Hallers left their Canadian apartment for a hotel in Philadelphia where they lived out of a suitcase for almost a year. Swept helplessly along in the current of events, Kim was determined to take back control of her life. She would become the perfect mother, attending to her baby's every want. But Mikayla's allergies made her a fussy child and Kim was soon suffering from lack of sleep, severe emotional fatigue and repeated infections.

As stress continued to build, the panic attacks began and Kim was caught in a web of fear and confusion as her physical and emotional health declined. After the birth of their second daughter a doctor recommended an antidepressant for severe post-partem depression. Kim refused. "I still believed that I could manage life on my own," she remembers, "that I could control circumstances and keep everything together. I'd been a Christian for years, but had never moved beyond my salvation experience into a close, personal walk with Jesus. I had faith in the Lord to save me from sin, but didn't know Him well enough to believe that He could care for all the details of my life."

Ever the optimist, Kevin encouraged his wife to look on the bright side, but it was impossible for him to fathom the depth of her struggle. Things went from bad to worse. Kim stopped eating and was soon suffering from malnutrition. Sure that a change of circumstances would drive the misery away, she begged to move closer to her family. But a few weeks later they were transferred further east. What was God doing?

Back home that Christmas, the festivities could not lift the depression hovering over Kim. While rocking little Madison to sleep late one night, she sat staring at the bottle of Prozac in her hand. Was this the only choice left? Tears flowed by the hour as the desperate young mother rocked back and forth, singing hymns and begging God for strength to go on.

"Something finally prompted me to open my Bible," she recalls. "I started at Matthew and as I read, somehow my merciful Heavenly Father gave me a piece of hope to cling to in my darkness." The next day Kim returned to the comforting pages and found herself experiencing a calmness she had never known. Soon there were not enough hours in the day to satisfy her thirst.

"Kim Haller, as I knew her, was gone," she says. "The Lord began to show me what complete surrender was all about. Galatians 2:20 became a reality: 'I have been crucified with Christ, and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave Himself for me.' The Lord was growing me up, embracing me with His love as I ran into His arms."

For the first time Kim was beginning to understand faith and how to live it. "I believe there are times when God wants us to walk alone with Him and stop looking to everyone else to meet our needs. I wanted a doctor or my husband or my parents to give me the answers, but the answers were in the Word of God. The cure was trusting in Jesus to carry my burdens and make my load light."

When Kevin was traded to North Carolina, Kim began to discover the joy of deep friendships with other godly women. "God wrapped His arms around me through their love," she remembers fondly, "and gave me an opportunity to rest and grow."

As the Hallers were finishing their vacation this past summer, however, the phone rang. Kevin had been traded once again. Instead of returning home, they were to head west to California. Kim struggled as she arranged long distance for friends in North Carolina to pack and sell the house. "The hardest part of being traded was saying goodbye to those dear friends so abruptly, but looking back, I thank God for such a difficult, yet fruitful time in my life. James 1:2-4 sums it up best: "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face troubles of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

"I feel like a toddler who has just grown enough to peek up over the edge of the counter. God has given me a glimpse of His goodness and power and shown me that He never intended for His children to live as helpless victims of the enemy. Kevin and I believe God has placed us in the world of professional hockey to share His love and I am eager to see what He will accomplish as we learn to lean on Him."

Where Kim is today

The Lord has continued to draw Kim through these and other experiences to greater trust and faith through these and other experiences. Getting to know His perfect love and care for her has led her to a deeper surrender of her right to herself, knowing that His sovereign plan is better than any dream she could hope to fulfill. All this said though, the surrender issue is one she revisits often. "Taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ requires moment by moment laying down my agenda in exchange for intimate relationship with my Lord," she says. "The challenge is in giving this relationship its rightful place in our full, overflowing schedules."

Kim is privileged to wear the hat of child of God, wife, mother, home-school teacher, chief cook and bottle-washer to name a few. She has also welcomed a new role of speaker/singer, when God opened up an opportunity to share her love for Him through song on a Christian contemporary album. God’s fingerprints can clearly be seen throughout the process of birthing a ministry she never expected.

"It has been one leap of faith after another as I am continually reminded of my inadequacies and weaknesses, but it is an absolute joy and gift to be about my Father’s business."

"So we are embracing the journey itself, passing through the seasons of life where change is required and often difficult. Oswald Chambers once said that “everything of worth and excellence is difficult�? James 1:2-10 encouraged me recently to consider it pure joy when I face trials of many kinds because when I have persevered, the result is maturity and completeness, lacking nothing. I am excited for the opportunities the Lord is bringing to share the reasons for the hope within me through word and song. Like the title track of the album, our hearts' cry remains “I’ll always trust in You, so take me Lord…wherever�?"

What about you? Are you just taking life as it happens, trying to manage it on your own? Or are you experiencing an intimate walk with Jesus? The truth is that He cares for you and all the details of your life. He is waiting for you to fully surrender your life to Him.

If you accepted Christ as your Savior, He has given you His Holy Spirit to help you and encourage you as you live your life for His glory. In John 14:26 Jesus said to His followers, "The Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

Why not take a moment right now to pray a simple prayer and ask God to empower you with His Holy Spirit?

Dear Father, I need You. I acknowledge that I have sinned against You by directing my own life. I thank You that You have forgiven my sins through Christ's death on the cross for me. I now invite Christ to again take His place on the throne of my life. Fill me with the Holy Spirit as You commanded me to be filled, and as You promised in Your Word that You would do if I asked in faith. I pray this in the name of Jesus. As an expression of my faith, I thank You for directing my life and for filling me with the Holy Spirit. Amen.