the 2nd Dream:

 

         .............perhaps a few weeks later I had another VERY clear and detailed dream of Carolyn.

She came to me and asked me to contact her mother, (a German / immigrant woman) who spoke a kind of heavily accented English.....

Carolyn said her mother was anguished and grieving heavily, and I should contact her and tell the woman, her daughter was not dead but is okay.

 

..................................end of dream..................................

 

I called  her mother the next day.

 

However, I just couldn't bring myself to tell her I had "heard" from her daughter, as I didnt' know "how" she'd take it.

Instead, I asked about the two little girls, how they were making out, she told me all about  them, and how her husband (Carolyn's father), was so beside himself in grief, she was afraid he'd die of a heart attack    (which he did within 6 months).

 

We spoke for about 20 minutes about the children, their horseback Equestrian lessons, that they gave them, (even so young), they were geared to become Equestrian horse jumpers in the "horsey" area of Bel Air, Maryland.

 

It was a nice conversation, and I ended it with trying to tell her, I "KNEW" Carolyn loved them and watched over them, and cared very much about their grief, and wouldn't want them to stay in such forever..........

 

 

There was at least one more, but the details now are too far away in time.

 

I always "felt" that Carolyn, although a troubled young woman, a beautifully talented and pretty girl, and not actually a "best friend" but just an acquaintance from high school, actually somehow, became my 3rd daughter, Jess (born in January 1977, a completely unplanned birth consciously)....for us

 

Background of our "relationship".............

 

Actually I was the one who introduced Carolyn to her husband Walter.  Not that I thought he would be right for her, because I tried to dissuade her from him, telling her he wasn't her type.

She was the "beautiful" high school prima donna, the one any boy would have LOVED to date. So beautiful, long brown hair, no makeup, an "infectious" laugh, twinkling brown eyes, just perfect , and a "year round natural tan".

 

He (Walter) was in my class in grade school for 8 years, a Catholic School, so when he went to the local High School and was in Carolyn's 1st year school class, she fell hard for  him

 

She was "smitten", and so after MUCH begging, I did introduce them.

 

I always "felt" Carolyn "used me"..........as years later, we all could see in our crowd of friends, how she did use people to get what she wanted.  So, we weren't exactly friends, like I said, more just I admired her beauty, and laughter and ability to make people happy when they were around her.

 

Walter owned the local "Hang-out" the Juke Box Hang up, a local Drug Store where many of our friends went after school

 

Before long, they were a 4 year couple, and I heard via the others,  there were even abortions taking place. This was Prior to legalized abortions in America.......but unfortunately, I "heard" a hanger or other dire method like Pills were used.....who knows, we were kids...teenagers growing up, and she was in love.

 

Her dad, (a Rich Banker) use to drive down to my rather poor neighborhood, over one hour from his new palatial home, and even drop Carolyn off at the Drug store so she could be with Walter & her friends.  Her dad, even did her homework, (covering for her at the high shool) where it was HIS Alma Mater, and HIS reputation for HIS daughter was at stake there.

 

Anyway, I remember, he'd always call me over to the Merceses, after she got out and before he'd drive away, begging me to "break up that relationship", in any way possible.

 

I was just a kid................what could I do? I'd say to him., that "I'd try", but of course, there was zero in that direction, and I felt really put upon that he thought, a "kid" like 17? me, could help his daughter and fix his life for him.

 

She was crazy about Walter, who of course, just abused her and ran around with the other girls.........

 

Anyway, before long I was gone, married myself, for the first time at 20, and I heard there was a "shotgun" wedding as we use to call them back then .........Carolyn was pregnant, too far gone, and he (Walter) married her.

 

That was all I knew until just before she died.........

other then she would call a few times asking me, IF I knew IF Walter was still "Running around" on her with other girls we both knew.

 

What a life.

As I was telling Lilli (under the Nixon Thread), I actually tried to reach and find Carolyn's daughters, one in particular whose name I recalled, named "Kelly"........the older one

around the year 2002-3.

 

I really wanted to see ( i suppose it was because of all the difficulty surrounding my own daughter Jess), a photograph of Carolyn from the same age or period , her younger 20s.,before she died., or ANY photographs.

 

I even tried to find her ex  husband Walter Balcerak , from my old neighborhood, thinking maybe he could help.

 

I did get close, but the Kelly Streckfus I found, had just moved away, by the time I found one.

 

What in the world would she think If I called?..........I   would only speak of course, of what a beautiful woman her mom was, how she had an "Infectious Laugh" and how much everyone admired her beauty.

 

 

Perhaps, I'll try again.