The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English
will be the official language of the European Union rather than German,
which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English
spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in
plan that would become known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make
the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of
the "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan
have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the second year when the
troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words like
fotograf 20% shorter. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the
new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated
changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always
ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of
the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should
go away.
By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with
"z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining
"ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil
be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu
understand ech oza.
Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru!
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