It's 2:00 a.m. and I should be in bed,

But here I am, awake, instead.

Terrified to go to sleep,

Afraid of nightmares,

In too deep.

Lest I nod off, I leave the lights on.

Because I just can't sleep

Now that you're gone.

I'm exhausted beyond my breaking point,

But mental screams of grief

My soul annoint.

They keep me wide awake, you see.

My battered heart won't

Set me free.

All my body wants is rest and peace,

But my mind won't allow that

Damned release.

Please...oh please...

No more waking with my pillow wet from tears.

No more illusions or hope that Love lasts

For years.

No more dreams that you've come back to stay.

I know I can't go on

This way.

I'll just stay numb till I pass out,

Or else I'll feel, and dream

I have no doubt.

I pay hourly homage to the Java-God,

But his almighty power is waning...

Odd.

Someday (or night) this body will rebel,

And I'll be forced to face

This living Hell.

But I'll do my best to stay awake.

Because this heart cannot more

Sorrow take.

And it doesn't matter if I'm insane,

Because at least then

I won't comprehend

This pain.

I hate being haunted by the ghost that's you,

But I just don't know

What else to do.

I've alcohol and marijuana nearby,

I've been resisting so far,

They'd only make

Me cry.

I never thought that I could cry so much,

But nights are the hardest,

Without your touch.

If you only knew how much I hate being here,

With sleep as a four-letter word

Spelled FEAR.

~ C.L.R. ~