Why do dwarves have such big nostrils?

Look at the size of their fingers!!

The Elf shoves the beer away in distain.

The Human flicks the fly away and drinks the beer.

The Dwarf picks the fly up by the wings, holding it over his glass and screams, "Spit it all out you little *******!"

Five things you DON'T want your players to say:

1.Ranger wearing plate mail in a misty echoing crypt: "I try to move silently"

2.Apprentice to mage: "By the way master, I finally shot that pesky owl that kept following you around."

3.Party fighting a band of thieves in a 4x3x4m room, when the mage says, with serious tone: "Hell, I cast a fireball, THAT'll teach'em."

4.Party laying on a hillside spying on the Imperial Army of Darkness commanded by Gul the Necromancer himself (+/- 10,000 troops): "Hmmm, if we attack from the rear, do we get bonuses on our attack roll??"

5.Paladin as the lone survivor of a party of 7 facing an army of evil and undead creatures, which just slaughtered his fellow adventurers: "Huh, why should I run? I got protection from evil in a 15ft radius, THEY can't touch me" (last words).

The Grandmaster of Flowers, Grandfather of Assassins, His Holy General Priest of Tyr, and the King of Corymr were talking. They ended up in an argument about whose followers were the toughest and most obedient. They all decided to find the best of their best and hold a tournament to see whos was most loyal.

Each of the four tried and tested their followers to see who was the most powerful and most loyal. At last they were all ready to compete. They met at the edge of a cliff. At the bottom of the 50' drop was a lake and in the lake were poisonous snakes, piranhas, and a dragon turtle. The only way out was to swim 200 yards across the lake, onto an island. The island was covered with lizard men and trolls. After passing through them, the followers would then have to enter a cave that led through a red dragons lair and would finally allow them to exit back near where they started.

Looking at his Royal Knight, the King of Cormyr said "Sir Knight, for the honor and glory of the kingdom I want you to cross that lake, and return here through the cave." Looking over the scene, the knight replied "I am sorry my lord, but that is sure death. I cannot do it."

Smiling, the Priest of Tyr turned to his paladin and said "You are the might of Tyr, most loyal and trust worthy follower. You know the task, accomplish it and receive the blessing of our Patron." Shaking his head slowly, the Paladin replied "I cannot do what you ask."

The same thing happened when the Grandfather of assassins tried to send his man over the cliff.

The Grandmaster of Flowers turned to his follower and said simply "Do it." Without so much as batting an eye, the Monk dove off the cliff and into the water. In a flash he was across the lake and entering the jungles on the island. As the group waited in anticipation, the heard a distant roar and flames came licking out the end of the cave. Shortly there after the brave young monk came running out, burned, battered and bleeding, but alive.

The Grandfather ran over and hugged the young monk. "Son" he said, "Truly you are the pride of all of the monastery. Ask for anything, anything at all and it is yours."

"All I want..." he replied, "...is to find out who the son-of-a-bitch was that pushed me...."