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| | | From: Kristina (Original Message) | Sent: 10/2/2008 2:05 PM |
Hello there Ladies!
Last night was restlest, although it had nothing to do with endometriosis. Actually, for me, it should still be sleeping time since it is just 5:30 right now.
Alot is going on right now, and I just felt the need to share. I needed someone else to experience into it also with me, so I am not so alone.
Now I don't want to get all to heavy and deep since it is so early in the morning, but for those who don't know, I am 21, and I was sexually abused as a child. Ha, how can you not get heavier then that? Anyways, I haven't kissed a guy, or even held hands with one. Let alone had concentual sex. So here is the deal, their is a guy a school, and he is 26 years old. I THINK we may both be attracted to each other. Keep in mind, I have absolutely learnt how to shut that part of me off, so now I am all kid like and unsure. I THINK we flirt. We even stayed together for an extra block at school. AND shared half a chicken burger. LOL. I know, I am insane.
Smack me back into reality will ya? Since when do I ever go anywhere near having any sort of attraction/feelings for a guy? And I am bordering on a "what's wrong with me".
Want to know what is ironic about all of this? The day before all of this went down, I had a conversation with my counsellor questioning my sexuallity and such. Then BAM!!! Okay lets move onto part two.
Yesterday I went to check a place out, and I want your opinion. First of all, it fits into my budget. I am on a disability, therefor this rent is cheap! $500 for rent, hot water, and electricity.
Downside is the neighbourhood. The apartment is on the "east side" of town.... Although the apartment is well kept, it's like I said, the neighbourhood. The suite is on the main floor, and it's a bachelor (no bedroom). The layout is kind of nice though. I like it. Their aren't that many windows, but the doors have big windows on them, and it leads out onto a garden. They have no problem with my having pets (two guinea pigs and a cat). She is wanting to show it to me again when the renovating is finished which I gather is because she liked me so much.
My mom is about to have a shit fit though. She is worried about the neighbourhood. At what point do you stop being paranoid?
Okay my ramble is finished. I would LOVE some feedback. I woke up especially early to write this.
Love and hugs,
Kristina |
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oh bless ya Kristina. Sorry i don't really know what to say. As for the guy situation, I feel all childlike as such with my relationship. Just go with what flows, natural attraction will flow nicely. Well that is what I think anyways. Of course it's going to be a difficult situation, considering your circumstances, but have you spoken about this to your counsellor? They'll be able to best help you with it. But good on ya :o) in a nice way I mean of course. Not sure if any of this makes sense. As about the apartment. If it feels right for you, then go for it. You have to do what is right for you and no-one else. If your happy, then your happy. No-one can take that away from you. You will know what is right for you. Go on your gut instincts and trust in God. He will guide you in the right direction. Take care chickee and I hope you got some more sleepies! Lotsa love and huggles to you my sweet! Sorry I couldn't help you! |
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Hi Kristina...wow..sounds like things are coming together for you all around..bravo..as for shy/kid like..I think we all get like that when we feel a connection with someone..don't worry about it..do what feels comfortable with you..and maybe down the line you'll be able to talk to this fellow on what happened to you..As for the appartment..why not talk to some of the neighbours and ask them what it's like in the neighbourhood..do they feel safe etc...maybe it isn't as bad as you think..as for feeling paranoid..things happen everywhere..not just in big cities..I live in a small community and things happen here all the time too..take a self defense course maybe so you feel more comfortable ..talk to the RCMP in the area and ask them what they think & if they offer any free self defense courses..make sure your doorway etc is well lit etc etc..I'm proud of you for making small steps ...good for you..you've come a long way sweety..keep us posted..sending lots of huggz..Angel |
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hey sweety, Dont worry about being heavy we all have something dark that happened to us one time or another. For advice on the boy...I think it is great!!!! Just take at your own pace and keep feeling like a kid that's what love is all about!!! Now about the apartment....I dont no anything about the area but I wou;d take Angels advice on the asking a neighbour about the safety issue. For the rest it just seems that your getting slowly your independence and that is something that sometimes "mom's" can find it hard to let go of there litle ones into the world. Bu dont blame her for it she is just doing her job and protecting her little girl! My one advice for you Kristina is that your own independence is something so importante and it really will be hard at times but very rewarding overall. The feeling of you own house and doing what you wanna do at anytime. Knowing you are paying all your bills and feeling great about it and also having control over you own life which I think endo tends to rob us of this aspect of our lives. So go for it honey if it feels right and you feel ready. I am here cheering you on like a groupie hahahah....hugs Alex |
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Thank you Lu, Angel, and Alex for your advice.
It's just nice to be able to write these things out with no judgement, so for that I thank you. Oh the guy side of things, they are going alright. He asked for my number the other day and then we hung out at his place with some of his friends yesterday. Some of them were drinking, but it wasn't in a heavy, weird way. This one guy kept hitting on me, and I totally did NOT want anything to do with him in that way, and didn't know how to tactfully tell him no.
After the evening was done, my guy friend called me up, asked how the evening was, and I told him how I thought this one guy was hitting on me and such and I didn't want anything to do with him. No news on the housing front yet. Still looking. I have one place I am supposed to look at today, but it's in the "bad" part of town. My guy friend said don't do it even though the rent is super cheap. LOL.
Oh well.
Kristina |
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