Before you step into the role of a discipler, consider how you will nurture the discipling relationship. I have found that people are most interested in a one-on-one relationship when I do the following.

People need to see that the topics you cover are relevant to their lives. Although you may quickly discern a person’s spiritual needs, it’s important to explain how a certain activity or assignment connects to the struggle your disciplee is experiencing. Otherwise, she may feel that you are not as interested in her personal needs as you are in getting her through a prescribed program.

For instance, when I discipled someone who was having problems with a stepchild, I realized that she was struggling to forgive the child’s mistakes. In choosing to study forgiveness with her, I was careful to communicate how it would improve her relationship with her stepchild.

An environment that communicates caring is critical. One young woman I disciple loves to drink Diet Pepsi, so I always have one cold and ready for her when she arrives at my house.

Take time to understand which surroundings a person prefers. For some, the best place for relating is working under a car or on the golf course, while others are most comfortable in a quiet living room with a pot of tea or coffee. Some people are more at ease in a home, while others prefer to meet in a restaurant. Surroundings and comfort items (such as Diet Pepsi) communicate that you care.

I’ve found that people go to experts to get an answer, but they go to fellow learners to evaluate, process, and apply God’s truth. Discipleship is about guiding others down the path of following Jesus and becoming more like Him. Though you may have traveled further down that path than your disciplee, find ways to communicate that you are still in the process of growth. I try to say things such as “Let’s learn more about forgiveness together,�?because even if it is my fifth time through a study on forgiveness, God never fails to teach me something new.

If I’m unprepared for a scheduled meeting, the person I’m discipling can feel unimportant or think that she has wasted her time. However, I’ve discovered I must also be ready to toss out my plan when unexpected needs arise.

So I have two kinds of notes after each discipleship meeting. The first is what I was prepared to do, and the second is what we really did. I use my notes of what actually happened to prepare for the next meeting.

—Melanie M. Pruitt