The Best Sex (Survey) Ever!
Ever wondered how your sex life compares to that of other readers? Sure, you have! So read on.
By Cindy Crosby

The Basics
How satisfied are you with your sex life?
Very satisfied 30%
Satisfied 33%
Neutral 15%
Dissatisfied 17%
Very dissatisfied 5%
* 63 percent have a good sex life!
 
If you're not satisfied, why?
Our busy schedule 38%
Sexual inhibitions/dysfunction 62%
Stress 50%
Kids 38%
Marriage troubles 15%
Illness (me or spouse) 13%
* Our sexual relationships are heavily influenced by other relationships. Only 20 percent of our readers with children living at home are "very satisfied" with their sex life, compared to 42 percent of those with no children, and 45 percent of those with kids living away from home.
 
How often do you have sex?
Once a day 5%
2 or more times a week 33%
Once a week 18%
2-3 times a month 21%
Once a month 9%
A few times a year 7%
Sex? What's that? 7%
 
How satisfied are you with that frequency?
Very satisfied 19%
Satisfied 36%
Neutral 20%
Dissatisfied 20%
Very dissatisfied 5%
 
How satisfied is your spouse with that frequency?
Very satisfied 16%
Satisfied 38%
Neutral 17%
Dissatisfied 22%
Very dissatisfied 7%
 
If you could change it?
Make it more frequent! 58%
Don't change it 40%
Less frequent 2%
* A higher frequency of good sex seems to be good for us.
"More frequent sex in the relationship and more frequent orgasm for the female partner strongly increase emotional satisfaction and physical pleasure."—Edward O. Laumann and Robert T. Michael, authors of Sex, Love, and Health in America
 
 
Secrets of the O
Any inability to achieve orgasm? 
Yes, me 14%
Yes, my spouse 13%
Yes, both 8%
No 65%
 
How did you both deal with it? And if so, was that way successful?
Discussed it together
It helped �?76%
68%
Took prescription remedies (i.e. Viagra)
It helped �?29%
46%
Sought professional help
It helped �?18%
16%
Took non-prescription remedies
It helped �?6%
3%
 
Sex Talk
How often do you and your spouse talk together about sex?
More than once a month 48%
Once a month 14%
A few times a year 25%
Once a year 7%
Never 6%
* When we talk about sex with our spouse, our chances for marital satisfaction improve.

Fifty-eight percent of readers who are "very satisfied" with their marriage talk with their spouse about sex more than once a month.

Seventy-one percent of readers who are "very satisfied" with their sex life talk with their spouse about sex more than once a month.
 
Sex and the Church
How often does your pastor address sexuality or sexual temptation?
Several times a year 28%
Once or twice a year 36%
Less than once a year 19%
Never 7%
Don't really know 6%
New to our church 4%
 
Do you want to hear more or less on sexual issues from your pastor?
More 46%
Same 42%
Less 1%
Don't Know 11%
* "Our culture is out of control sexually, and the church has a great opportunity to talk frankly and kindly about how we live as believers in such a culture"—Jenel Williams Paris, author of Birth Control for Christians 
 
Does your church offer an accountability group for sexual issues?
Yes 20%
No 60%
Don't Know 20%
 
On the Wild Side
Do you and your spouse have oral sex?
Did once 5%
Did more than once 38%
Do regularly 40%
Have not done at all 17%
 
Do you and your spouse have anal sex?
Did once 11%
Did more than once 11%
Do regularly 1%
Have not done at all 77%
Do you and your spouse use pornography?
Did once 10%
Did more than once 15%
Do regularly 1%
Have not done at all 74%
 
Do you and your spouse use sex "toys"?
Did once 5%
Did more than once 10%
Do regularly 8%
Have not done at all 77%
* MP doesn't condone these activities but seeks to reflect readers' lives.

"The Bible explicitly calls some practices wrong. But some churches propagate false guilt about practices the Bible is neutral on: masturbation within the couple's lovemaking, oral sex, sex with the lights on. False guilt has no basis in biblical fact, perpetuates shame, and damages the marriage for years." —Shay Roop, author of For Women Only: God's Design for Female Sexuality and Intimacy
 
Sexual Temptations
Do you have a close friend of the opposite sex ?
Yes 18%
No, but I did in the past 23%
No 59%
 
If no, is this a conscious choice to avoid potential emotional/sexual temptation?
Yes 53%
No 47%
 
Have you ever fantasized about someone other than your spouse?
Once 10%
More than once 57%
No 33%
 
Do you talk to your spouse about any sexual temptations you experience?
Yes 10%
Sometimes 24%
No 66%
 
Have you ever committed adultery?
Yes, once 6%
Yes, more than once 4%
No 90%
 
If yes, why?
Physical attraction 63%
Emotional attraction 48%
Marital dissatisfaction 48%
I was seduced 19%
 
Did your spouse find out?
I voluntarily confessed 44%
I was found out 16%
No 40%
 
If yes, what eventually happened?
Marriage improved 87%
Other marriage difficulties 17%
Separation 13%
Nothing 13%
Divorce 10%
Lost job 3%
*"People who have had affairs and worked through them have had to do some serious soul searching and dealing with issues they have long denied.

"But when they do, they can get real and honest with their partner for the first time in their married life." —Shay Roop, Christian counselor and sex therapist
 
Do you have someone—other than your spouse—with whom you can discuss sexual temptations?
Yes 50%
No 50%
 
Was he or she helpful?
Yes 96%
No 4%
 
Have you ever sought professional help for marital or sexual issues?
Yes 35%
No 65%
 
Really Personal Info
How satisfied are you in your marriage?
Very satisfied 57%
Satisfied 28%
Neutral 9%
Dissatisfied 4%
Very dissatisfied 2%
* Eighty-five percent of you like your marriage!
 
How often do you and your spouse argue about sex?
More than once a month 5%
Once a month 7%
A few times a year 29%
Once a year 14%
Never 45%
 
Ever done anything sexually that made you feel guilty or ashamed?
Yes 20%
No 80%
 
If yes, how did you handle the guilt?
Prayed about it 67%
Sought biblical answers 31%
Sought counseling 16%
Stopped the practice 58%
Talked with my spouse 67%
Have done nothing about it 2%
 

Cindy Crosby, an MP regular contributor, is author of By Willoway Brook: Exploring the Landscape of Prayer (Paraclete Press).

Copyright © 2004 by the author or Christianity Today International/Marriage Partnership magazine. Click here for reprint information on Marriage Partnership.
Winter 2004, Vol. 21, No. 4, Page 48