LOVE, NOT LACK
By Maureen Eha, features editor of Charisma magazine

My husband isn’t the kind to make a big fuss over holidays. I, on the other hand, am hopelessly sentimental. Mix our two personalities together, and you have the perfect recipe for emotional disaster on Valentine’s Day.

While I’m dreaming of romantic dinners, flowers and candy (the expensive, sugar-free kind), he’s straining to remember a card. I’m sure many of you can relate.

And we married women are not the only ones who suffer on this annual celebration of the delights of love. What about those who are single, widowed, abandoned or divorced? Have you ever seen their faces when the florist delivers a dozen roses to a co-worker on February 14?

For years I went through the vicious cycle of expectation, disappointment, frustration and hurt that often attends this holiday. And then one day revelation came: I was focusing on the wrong thing.

Valentine’s Day isn’t about what we consider the trappings of love; it is about love itself. And we can all celebrate that without a dinner, flowers or candy. The key is letting go of our expectations and taking our eyes off ourselves.

When I pressed into the Lord to help me use this key in my own life, He showed me three ways to make Valentine’s Day special, no matter what others do or do not do to commemorate it. The first is to consciously reflect on obvious demonstrations of His love for me: material blessings, spiritual gifts, family, friends, relationship with Him—even life itself. The Bible says we are to be “always giving thanks to God the Father for everything�?(Eph. 5:20, NIV). This is akin to perpetually counting our blessings.

Since God doesn’t limit His generosity to one day a year, there is much to be thankful for. How can we possibly feel neglected when we enumerate all the ways He shows us His unconditional love and begin to express our gratitude for them?

The second way is to focus on blessing others rather than on how I would like them—including my spouse—to bless me. Jesus told us, “It is more blessed to give than to receive�?(Acts 20:35). But we’ll never prove the truth of His words unless we stop thinking about getting and determine to give.

The third way is to ask the Lord to perfect His love in me. I know I need Him to do this. When I take the “love test�?in 1 Corinthians 13, my love doesn’t always “pass.�?It is not always patient, or kind, or humble, or selfless. It doesn’t always protect or persevere. It often fails.

So I pray for God to give me a greater measure of His love for others.

I ask Him: How does my love need to change to become more like that of Jesus? This is a prayer He delights in answering because it is His desire that we be transformed into the image of His Son.

Even if you are lavished with signs of affection on Valentine’s Day, you can use these three suggestions to make your day that much more special—and perhaps someone else’s as well.

Why not take the weight of planning a Valentine’s celebration off your husband’s shoulders and see what you can do to make it a memorable one?

Leave a card next to his place at the breakfast table, or send him one at work. Have a candlelight dinner prepared when he gets home. Buy him a special tool he’s been wanting. Take time to watch a movie with him.

Or what about sending a card to all the single women you know? Think how happy they will be to know that someone loves them enough to tell them so on Valentine’s Day!

Have you ever considered taking your mother or grandmother to a Victorian tea room for tea and scones? Or making cards for all the kids in the children’s ward at a local hospital?

Whether you feel to reach out to others in a tangible way or not, remember: The possibilities for enhancing the holiday are endless, if you choose to focus on God’s love—receiving, developing and sharing it—and not your lack. His love is all you need.