Not Good Enough
Singer Bethany Dillon is learning to trust in a God who is bigger than all of her bad days.
By Todd Hertz

The bell rings and the halls flood with students darting from class to class. Friends goof around and couples talk. But for Bethany Dillon, the time between classes wasn't always fun. Bethany, 16, says attending high school as a freshman made her feel a lot of pressure to look a certain way. It was like all eyes were on her as she passed through the halls. And anything that was different about her or made her stand out was open game for people to make fun of.

So, Bethany learned to put on her "game face." She'd walk through the hallway staring directly ahead of her, not smiling or making eye contact with anyone.

"As I walked through the halls, I didn't want to catch anyone's eye or stand out because that might invite judgment or mean comments," Bethany says. "As I got ready for school each morning, I'd look in the mirror and try to just be pretty enough or good enough to get by. But once I got to school, I knew I wouldn't be good enough in someone's eyes. To be worth anything to others, I sometimes still feel like I have to have the right clothes, look a certain way or have a boyfriend. I can feel so judged for things I can't control."

More Than This
During a series of youth group talks, Bethany learned that her desires to be noticed and to be valued are not wrong. These feelings, her youth pastor said, actually come from God. He wants us to find acceptance in him, Bethany says. But too often, we look elsewhere to fulfill this sense of worth.

Bethany wrote in her song "Beautiful" that she's worth more than what the mirror says. She's not just skin deep. "I struggle with self-esteem, but despite pimples or how kids are judging me, I know God thinks I am beautiful," she says. "There's more than this. I am worth God's love and I don't have to be pretty enough, wear enough makeup or have the right outfit."

With His Eyes
Whenever she struggles to like herself, Bethany tries to remember the story of David in 1 Samuel 16:7. She explains: "David was the son his dad didn't want anyone to know about. He was sort of the runt in the family. But God looked at his heart first. This verse is such a good reminder that God is not concerned with how we look. He doesn't even think about it. God has totally different eyes than we have. His sight is better than our sight."

Being Ok
Of course, it's easy to say you're OK with how you look because God loves you, Bethany says, but it's far harder to remember this truth when you're having an ugly day. "To be honest, I don't always look at the positive," Bethany says, "I throw pity parties. But I continually ask God to make me aware of what he cares about. I hope by getting to know him better, I will better realize what will pass away and what will last. That's what I want to concern myself with, not whether or not my shirt is in style."

Bethany has also learned that while mean words in the hallway can tear her down, kind words can make her day. "People who make me feel good are the ones who boldly tell me something they like about me," she says. "I try to do that for others too. In my youth group, we've talked about how important it is for girls to support each other, but it's also special for guys to encourage me.

"I know it's hard for guys to know what to say, but they should pray for wisdom. Think, What would I say if this was my little sister? I can still think of specific times my youth pastor, my dad or my brother have said, 'I'm praying for you' or 'I love what God is doing in your life.' Being reminded of God's promises by others means so much."

Copyright © 2005 by the author or Christianity Today International/Campus Life magazine.
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January/February 2005, Vol. 63, No. 6, Page 38