'I Decided to Kill Myself'
by Todd Hertz
posted 02/07/05

Joseph Rojas, the lead singer for Seventh Day Slumber, had a rough childhood. His father left when he was 3 years old. He was overweight, and other kids bullied him constantly. As a teen, he turned to a $400-a-day cocaine habit, until he finally decided to end it all on a cocaine overdose. But something miraculous happened in the ambulance on the way to the hospital—just ask Rojas. Now that he's found acceptance and peace, Rojas and his Slumber buddies have made an album, Once Upon a Shattered Life (BEC), that addresses some of that pain of the past—and the solution that's found only in God.

What themes do you address on the new album?

Joseph Rojas: This record is about acceptance. It's dealing with a lot of issues where we felt like we weren't accepted, whether because we were considered nerds, or fat, or not cool enough, or didn't have the money that others did.

I was bullied around my whole life. Other people at school would treat me horribly. This record's message deals with feeling that way and says, "You don't have to look for the approval of other people. You don't have to measure up to what someone else says. God has a specific plan for each and every one of us." God accepts us and we are part of what he has going on.

What did you specifically face as a kid?

Rojas: The thing that affected me the most was that I was overweight growing up. I got called all kinds of names. One day, I was riding the bus and these three bullies, the three coolest guys, were picking on me. Everyone was laughing at me. I finally stood up for myself and said, "What you guys are doing is wrong and you just pick on people all the time."

When the bus stopped they said, "You're going to fight one of us." They kept me for an hour after the bus stopped and made me fight this guy. After 15 minutes of fighting and being beat up, I was tired and beat up. They let me rest and then beat me up more. I'll never forget it. I remember telling myself, "Maybe I am worthless. Maybe I am nothing. Maybe I am just a fat nerd."

This is why I want everyone at our concerts or who hear our record to feel like we wrote it just for them. I want them to know each and every one of them is important. No one is worthless or nothing. We wanted to deal with this in a down-to-earth way that anybody, Christian or not, can get it because it deals with real pain and joy. And it says God is the answer. Sometimes, you have to really go through some things to see what God has for you and to appreciate what God has for you.

So, where did you end up after all this bullying?

Rojas: On cocaine. Cocaine was the way I escaped. I tried my first line of coke at 14 or 15. It helped me forget about these guys. I just did cocaine and started hanging out with potheads and coke addicts who were just like me: a bunch of guys who were hurting. That was the way I dealt with it. But it took over my life and I ended up with a $400-a-day cocaine addiction. I was in and out of jail for years. By 21, I was a two-time felon. I hated myself.

At this point, was God a factor?

Rojas: I was an atheist. I didn't know God or an earthly father. I grew up without a father. My dad left when I was 3. I think people without fathers look for that acceptance elsewhere. I know I could have done a lot better if I had a father. Even when being beat up every day, I could have come home and my father could have said, "Son, I love you and I would die for you. You are not worthless." Instead, he's never been a part of my life. It's his choice.

So at this point, you're an atheist with a $400-a-dollar cocaine habit who hates himself. Why are you still here and how did you find God?

Rojas: I decided to kill myself. I decided one day to overdose on cocaine. I used as much cocaine that day as I could. My mother walked in and I overdosed in front of her. Right away, she screamed out to God to save my life. My mother is an amazing woman. She was a Christian and prayed every day for me. She said, "God, I know you are going to save him."

In the back of the ambulance, I was going in and out of consciousness. I felt this overwhelming power. I knew in a split second that Jesus Christ was real and alive. I said, "Jesus would you save me?" That was the first time I felt the love of a father.

Maybe you felt that on the inside, but people can still be mean to you. On a practical level, how did you see God's acceptance?

Rojas: One of the hardest things for people to do when they've been hurt is to then feel accepted and to let people accept them. What did I do? I just waited and focused on God. It's hard to explain, but I was crazy enough to believe God could work in me and change my life.

I would challenge anybody to be crazy enough to believe that God has the absolute best for them. I would challenge anybody to do it for a year. Trust God and then watch the people that come into your life.

So, everything's perfect now?

Rojas: No. I'm still overweight. I am still the Mexican who was called rude names. But you know what? God loves me and has provided me with an amazing life, wife, son and career. God has the happy ending for us, but we just have to stick it out, wait for it, and trust him. He's real.

But that doesn't mean everything will be perfect. That doesn't mean there aren't temptations out there or that you don't still feel certain things after being saved. But when you make a mistake, you just get up and move from there. God will renew you. It takes time. After I got saved, I fell and used cocaine maybe 15 more times. I missed the mark. It's a process. Every day, you move forward as you let God works in you. Here I am now because of him, clean and sober.

For more about Seventh Day Slumber, visit our artist page, where you'll also find our review of their new album, Once Upon a Shattered Life. To hear sound clips and buy their music, visit Christianbook.com.

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