by Darla Sutton-Hensley

When I was about five years old my mom would read to me the traditional Cinderella, Prince Charming and Snow White fairytales. I dreamed that one day Prince Charming would be mine! When I married at the age of nineteen I expected the “special�?treatment. I wanted Prince Charming and I demanded that my Prince Charming act romantic all the time. When we got divorced nine years later he told me that I had a warped view of relationships “this isn’t a fairytale�?he said. I hated to admit it but he was right.

Our society has created a false sense of security for it’s young girls and quite a lot of pressure on the young men to transform from a frog into our Prince Charming. Not to say that we as a society are unable to attain Happily Ever After, but with so much emphasis on what I call the Fairytale Syndrome most of us can never succeed in meeting high if not impossible expectations.

Young girls and women today are suffering with the Cinderella Complex. Face it…glass slippers, wicked stepmothers, beautiful ball gowns and fairy Godmothers have quite an impact on a young girl’s mind. I know you have witnessed this phenomenon before; rags to riches, love at first glance, and my Prince will save me from this wretched place I’m in attitude.

Fairytales are harmless, right? There is nothing wrong with filling our children’s heads with erroneous beliefs. The problem as I see it is that the young girl or woman can never fill the glass slipper, they in return feel inadequate and so begins the abomination of the young girls self esteem. Insecurity only causes a separation between the young girl or woman and God.

It all begins with fairytales; but it does not end there. The teenage girl strives to be the beautiful woman society seems to admire, you know…large breast, a perfect ten, a Bay Watch babe or Nikki Taylor Cover Girl looks. The teenage girl has to fabricate many things to achieve “The Look�? So she goes out and gets a nose job, collagen injections, lypo suction. She buys push up bras, tummy control, hair color in a bottle, hair extensions, colored contacts, makeup, exercise machines, and tight revealing clothing all become part of the young ladies regimen to become beautiful. When it is all said and done she has created the perfect Barbie doll looks, but how can any girl settle for less?

What about the men? Big Boys don’t cry, they aren’t allowed to display their emotions; it is a sign of weakness. When a little boy falls and hurts himself our society retorts with “oh you are a big boy, that didn’t hurt you, you are okay, boys don’t cry�? Men feel things just as women do but men are taught to suppress their feelings from the start.

Have you ever noticed the emphasis on sex when selling just about anything to a man? If you attend a car or boat show they always hire scantily dressed women to help seduce the men into buying. Look at the car or truck magazines…women are exploited and the men expect it. I recently saw the cover of a Men’s magazine and the articles were…Rate Your Mate (is she a keeper?), Will She Cheat? (Give her this test), and Amazing Abs in 90 Seconds. Let’s face it men, in order for you to keep that woman (if she is a keeper) you have to know if she will cheat on you and ya gotta have great abs! If you trust those articles you will be sorely disappointed with the outcome.

So we finally meet someone and we start dating (on our best behavior of course). Romantic acts are introduced with so much fervor that we actually begin to believe those fairytale notions after all. Romance is part of the daily routine. Just as you begin to settle into the relationship you discover your guy is definitely not a Prince and his Cinderella is more like the Wicked Witch. The romantic notions are replaced by long periods of silence. The war is raging inside your head…How could I ever have thought this was the one? And then you realize you wasted three to six months with someone that is not right for you at all.

How do we overcome these notions that society seems to embrace. Our young people are searching for something real. How can we as the body of Christ bring about change that will help the young people build confidence, acceptance, and instill character. How can we help our children to overcome the many disorders that are inflicting our youth today. Young people today suffer with eating disorders; depression and anger are at an all time high among youth today; and let’s not forget drugs and alcohol in the youth mainstream. It is easier for someone underage today to get drugs than it is to get a hold of alcohol. The average age young girls are becoming sexually active today is thirteen. That is so sad.

Is it fair for society to set up our young people for failure? Prince Charming had an abundant life and some men have achieved all that our Prince Charming has and more. In all reality, there are very few men who fit this role and just as few are the women who fit the glass slipper and live Happily Ever After. The media actually wants us to have dysfunctional relationships because that is how they benefit financially.

I know that I suffered with the Cinderella Complex for many years. It is true that I have kissed my share of frogs, and when all was said and done the frog I kissed was simply a frog…nothing more. My mother and father divorced when I was in the first grade, my mother remarried a man who changed my life. This man was in our home for approximately four years unfortunately his residue remained much longer. During the years he was in our home he molested me and abused my family emotionally. Our biological father did not want a close relationship with us either and so we all wanted a closeness we could not have. In the summer prior to my fifth grade year in school my mother divorced the wicked stepfather and remarried my real dad. I was elated! Then when I was in the seventh grade my younger sister Dayna was diagnosed with Leukemia and then died fourteen months later. My parents again did not weather the storm and divorced once and for all.

By this time I was coming into my dating years. I was really insecure. I was seeking out some boy who could really love me the way I needed to be loved and had desired my entire life. I had developed a false sense of love and caring due in large by fairytales, molestation and our broken family. I found myself believing the lies that boys would tell and I eventually became sexually active at the age of seventeen. That was by far one of the biggest mistakes I ever made.

Out of my desire for love and acceptance I created more insecurities for myself but more importantly I caused separation between God and me. That is what sin does. I was searching for something I would never find until I could seek Jesus one hundred percent. Even though I had been betrayed by men, I thought somehow they held the key. I was confused.

If I had it to do over again I would not make the same mistakes. My hope is that someone can learn from my past mistakes and hopefully prevent them from repeating history. You will not find truth, security, love and real intimacy in pre-marital sex. If you have already become sexually active you can abstain from it now and the Lord will forgive you for your past and help you build a new life on his principles.

If you have not become sexually active then you are at a wonderful place to make a stand for what is right. You can seek the Lord, overcome your insecurities, develop strong relationships with your parents and or other adults who can mentor and provide advise and support as needed.

 You may ask, how can I avoid getting involved sexually with someone? The answer is set up guidelines, boundaries within the relationship. If you feel lust (sexually attracted) RUN from it, don’t plan it, don’t stay out late, don’t go out alone, don’t go places where you might be tempted to do things you know are wrong in God’s eyes. Don’t set yourself up for failure.

II Timothy 2:22

Flee evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.

Galatians 6:8

The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; for the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.

I Corinthians 10:13

There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.

This last scripture says it all, God will provide an escape. The Webster dictionary defines escape: To get out of the way of, to be free to avoid, to pass without harm, to regain one’s liberty. The answer is to flee, run from it, pray and set boundaries. If you do find yourself in an awkward position look for the signs or means of escape God will faithfully provide.

Happily Ever after; there are couples who find true happiness with each other but let’s face the truth here…it takes God in the forefront of each individual and at the center of the relationship. It takes work, communication, making concessions, and sharing. Most importantly it takes two people who love the Lord so much and desire to be in his perfect will, and it takes prayer! The happiest of couples have their difficult times also. Change is most difficult for people to accept and change can cause stress on the relationship. However, when God is the focus of the relationship you will be able to overcome the obstacles and grow in your relationship with him and with each other.

Finally, I met my soul mate! He is not Prince Charming all the time but then Cinderella I am not. We know that God has brought us together and with God as the center and focus we will overcome. Does this mean we won’t have problems or difficulties? Not at all, it simply means we are dedicated to the Lord and willing to go through whatever valley’s or mountain highs to be in his perfect will. I have regretted my past but I know the Lord has freed me of the guilt and shame I carried around for so long. Although Satan knows how to prey on the guilt and shame so I have to stay connected with the Lord! I also know that even though God has forgiven me for my past sins those sins grieved his heart. I have had young girls work for me in retail over the years and they have gotten pregnant and have had abortions. They are actually using abortion as a method of birth control. In the same way we cannot use God’s forgiveness as a tool for continual sin. God knows your heart and he sees your sin; do not think because your sin is behind closed door that he will not know. He knows all things.

Seek ye first the kingdom of God. Get your heart and life in the right place with God. Develop strong friendships with the opposite gender but save the rest for the one special person whom God has chosen for you in marriage. Don’t rush, do take it slow and pray and fellowship with other Christians. You can learn from other’s mistakes if and only if you want to.

Don’t be haunted by pre-marital sex. Pure and wholesome dating is like training wheels for marriage. The training wheels on a bike keep you from falling as you learn. Listen to experienced riders and heed their advice. In our society of fast food, information now, self gratification we tend to skip the training wheels and head down a hill on the bike at high speed for self-fulfillment. Then we hit our first curve or major bump in the road and we go skidding down the road with bruises and scars for a lifetime.

Pre-marital sex has its consequences; self-gratification comes with a cost. The scars you receive from that downhill race will be ever visible. Yes, God can forgive you but his forgiveness does not mean that we will not remember our sin. The scars are there and can create problems for your future marriage. Pre-marital sex can lead to mistrust from your future spouse, disease, pregnancy and shame.

Put the training wheels on, take your time, pray and listen to God and read what his word says about giving in to sin. Be an imitator of Christ and you will be on your way to a wholesome dating experience that will lead to a solid foundation in your future marriage.

Jesus�?blood not only covers our sin but also the resulting guilt. If you have become sexually active today is your opportunity to be forgiven and to build a foundation that is not flawed but built solid on the promises that Christ has given us in his word. Today is a new day and the first day of the rest of your life, be a leader, not a follower. Set a new standard for yourself and your friends. And if your friends do not set the same standards or continue to pressure you, you must be a leader and walk away from those individuals.

I Peter 4:16

However, if you suffer as a Christian, do not be ashamed, but praise God that you bear that name.

Ephesians 6:10-11

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.

Philippians 4:13

I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

I am now thirty nine years old. I have made my share of mistakes and many could have been avoided had there been someone to learn from, or talk to about these things. I am sure God would have brought my husband to me sooner had I heeded his word and his calling. I am grateful to God for his grace, mercy and forgiveness of my sin.

Philippians 3: 13-14

Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

And finally, when you have children of your own, read them the bible. Fairytales are okay but you must explain to your child that they are only pretend. If you want your child to grow up strong in the Lord and secure in him or herself begin with the bible. There and only there will your child be able to decipher what are truths and what are lies. When you seek the Lord with all your heart you will be well on your way to Happily Ever after and Eternal Life.

Bible quotes from The Amplified Version