Still Single
I never dreamed I’d be 40something and unmarried.
by Dee Gray

 
Several years ago, some researchers with far too much time on their hands “discovered�?if you’re a single woman over age 35, you might as well convert your hope chest into a coffin because you’re out of luck in your husband quest. According to their study, the good ones are all taken, and even the bad ones are gone. Well, who asked for this “helpful�?hint, anyway? (And who paid for that study?!)

I’ll admit you don’t see many older brides in the wedding section of the Sunday paper. However, I’d guess the ones you do see, those who aren’t marrying for the third or fourth time, are more confident in the prospect of a lasting marriage than younger brides. They’re more likely to have made the decision to marry after understanding what they’re really looking for in marriage.

I’d like to ask, however, where they found these grooms. At my age, single men are few and far between. They’re either multimarried and divorced, still tied to mommy’s apron strings, or older than my dad. And please don’t tell me church is the best place to meet available guys. I attend a church with a membership of 500, and believe me, I can’t list even a handful of single men between 40 and 65.

I love the magazine articles that list places to meet single men: the pet superstore, the library, the produce department of your grocery store. Uh huh, the produce department. Just roam around and see which guy needs help buying a melon and swoop in for the kill. If he knows the difference between a rutabaga and a persimmon, move on.

We don’t need researchers with government grants telling us we’ll never marry. I happen to know the Master of all research and development can change my marital status at any time. (But I’ll keep my eyes open the next time I’m buying turnips!)

Coming to grips with singleness has been an interesting process. I’ve learned to be content, even though this isn’t where I’d have chosen to be at this stage of my life. We don’t always choose the best thing when we’re given an option anyway. (I mean, how many people bought a Yugo?) God’s blessed me with many special people with whom to share my life, I have to wonder if I’d have developed these friendships if I were married and had children.

My biological family’s given me much for which to be thankful. My parents and I share our home, which some people find odd, but it works for us. Sure, there are times I’d love more private space. But I have someone around when I come home from a hectic day at work and need to vent.

My brother and I’ve developed a friendship I truly treasure. Through our conversations, I gain the male perspective on a number of things. My nephews and niece have given me the opportunity to exercise my mothering skills by cooking for them, nursing their wounds, and listening to their concerns. And if they argue with me, I can send them home (an option a mom doesn’t have).

God’s blessed me with some incredible friendships. My married female friends and I span our differences with our common faith in Jesus.

My male friends care about me and allow me to care about them without feeling “endangered.�?It’s not easy to have male friends when you’re a single woman, because it’s the nature of single guys to be concerned when the female of the species tries to make their acquaintance! But, thankfully, some are secure enough to understand we single women don’t necessarily come with a wedding dress in tow. These guys are great friends to have when I need a strong arm to help with a project, and they’ve helped me see what I do and don’t want in a husband.

Finally, there are my single “sisters,�?those women who truly understand from whence I come. Many married women, usually including our mom, tell us how fortunate we are to be able to serve God without having to divide our time between carpooling, scouts, and ironing a shirt at 6 A.M. They mean well, and they’re correct, but please, I’d be willing to sacrifice some sleep to iron the shirt of Mr. Right any day. Thankfully, my single sisters know and understand this already. Together we can let our hair down and share the unique challenges and blessings of this life stage.

“Fortysomething and Single�?isn’t exactly the title I’d have chosen for this stage of my life. I’d have gone with “former Miss America,�?or maybe “Her Royal Highness.�?I still pray God will allow me to add “Mrs.�?to my name. But whether or not that happens, I know the most important title I could ever gain is already mine: “Child of God.�?Nothing can take that one away, nothing can diminish it, and not even “Mrs.�?can overshadow it. I’m loved with a perfect love by the perfect man, and I can’t ask for more than that.

Dee Gray, an office manager for an internal medical practice, lives in Indiana.

Copyright © 2002 by the author or Christianity Today International/Today's Christian Woman magazine.
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January/February 2002, Vol. 24, No. 1, Page 54