How to Start a Group �? Even if You Think You Can't!

1. Don't sell yourself short. As a busy mom of four boys who didn't feel she had the necessary leadership skills, Beth had every excuse to nix the idea of helping start a neighborhood group. But she's glad she responded to God's nudging. So if you feel this is something God wants you to try, go for it—and watch yourself grow!
   
   
2. The power of two. Do you know a neighbor who also may be yearning for a group? While you can go solo, Beth suggests finding a like-minded friend with whom to join forces. Partner together. And don't forget to pray!
   
   
3. Size it up. What works best for your schedules? Once-a-week meetings? Every other week? Babysitting provided? Figure out the needs of your potential group, then try to meet them. For example, if most women interested in attending your group are moms of small children, arrange for babysitting—that will make it easier for them to show up! Remember, keep it casual.
   
   
4. Banish your inner Martha Stewart. "Every woman likes her place to look nice," admits Beth, "but I think I've set the example there." Meaning: Beth doesn't sweat not having a sparkling home when it's her turn to host a meeting. "My home's a little messy, but come on in anyway," she says.
   
   And what about serving fancy goodies to your crowd? "Usually someone volunteers to bring something, but we try not to worry about that!" says Beth. All you really need to do is perk a mean cup of coffee, and you're in business.
   
   
5. Have a plan. Beth's flexible about how she leads the group; when an interesting opportunity crops up, such as hearing the life story of a visitor from another country, she'll seize it and deviate from the group's planned study. But make sure you have some kind of study material that's grounded in the Bible. If you don't have a clue how to start, ask a trusted Christian friend, your pastor, or your local Christian bookstore owner.
   
   
6. Be real. Life isn't always easy, happy, or tidy. Christians cry, hurt, and get lonely, just like everyone else. So don't be afraid to show your real face to your friends, when appropriate. It's the key to helping others show theirs, too.
   
   
7. Make it a no-pressure zone. Do your friends feel uncomfortable praying out loud? Then don't make them. Does a member have trouble keeping up with the lessons? Don't make it an issue. Your goal isn't to be rigid, but to build relationships that point women to a loving God.
   
   

—J.J.S.

Building Deep Connections

Looking for a group that requires a higher commitment but builds deeper friendships? Then a "12 Women" group might fit the bill. Based on the biblical model of Jesus' selection of 12 disciples, Barbara Jenkins, co-author of The New York Times best-seller The Walk West, birthed the concept in 1997 during a time of personal turmoil.

"My husband had walked out on our family, and one of my children was caught up in alcohol and drugs. My world had turned upside down," Barbara explains. She sensed a need for something beyond what her Christian counselor, church, and close friends were providing. "I saw in the Bible how Jesus changed the world with 12 disciples. I realized I could benefit from having a trusted circle of 11 other friends to help me carry these burdens."

Barbara wrestled with the idea of this biblically based group for six months. "Finally, I reached the point of saying, 'God, if this is of you, I'll do it. If not, just leave me alone,'" she says. When she shared the idea with a few women, they recommended others who were searching for such a connection. Before long, a diverse mix of 11 women had accepted Barbara's invitation to participate.

"I told them that if they were looking for deeper friendships, then '12 Women' was for them," says Barbara. "I laid out the guidelines: We were to be grounded in biblical truth; we'd commit to meet once a week nine months out of the year; we'd agree to be there for each other through thick and thin. And every week a different woman would be the facilitator."

Each "12 Women" meeting begins with a devotional, followed by a discussion time, then prayer. "We've had lively discussions about everything from money management to the Ten Commandments," explains Barbara. "It's not a gossip session," she adds. "It's a place where we see God working in our lives. Because of the level of commitment in our group, women lower their guard and become real. If someone moves or has to leave, they're not replaced until the next 'session' begins. Only God could create this family of sisters that's lasted so long!"

Today Barbara's initial group now meets quarterly. But other "12 Women" groups are springing up around the country or have been spearheaded by original group members. And Barbara and two women from the pilot group recently completed a training session in Brooklyn, New York, for "12 Women" groups. Barbara's also created the 12 Women Foundation and a guidebook, 12 Women, Sisters for Your Journey, to help others form their own group.

"My '12 Women' group has helped me become more honest about who I am," says Barbara. "Women have a hunger for connection, for seeing God at work in their lives. That's exactly what a '12 Women' group provides."

—J.J.S.