I guess by now you can see what the title is I have been hinting for 2 weeks or more about this. I am getting to the point I need to fly to mars or venus or saturn or pluto to get away from family.

 

Why am I the one who has to solve the problems? Why did I get this mantle of being the oldest? Can I get rid of it? Can I pass it off to someone else so I can not be the one who has to be responsible????

 

My brother Thomas is having problems with my dad and his gf tina. 2 little boys are in the middle of this and I am worried about them. Thomas wants to come here to live with mike and I am like nope for I have no room here for them. I want to get a place of my own and then I will take the boys off thomas' hands. they are 1 and 2 months old. am I ready for babies??? I keep asking myself I am honored that he wants me to raise them for him but why me??? Am I really like my mom who helped take other kids in and also take in stray pets too? Or am I just someone who has sucker written on my forehead for the whole family to add their problems onto my shoulders?

 

I know that I care for family and dont want to see anything wrong with the boys. for Thomas is on drugs and alcohol and I don't know which one was talking tonight for my brother kept saying you don't understand I am like think, use the brain GOD gave you. Check out all avenues if you want mike to adopt or have legal guardianship you set the things into motion. I never told him I wouldn't help I just told him to wait until I have a place of my own. One that I don't have to worry about whether I have water each month, one that I can fix up somewhere for the boys to stay.

 

I am going to have to talk with my dad again. No wonder I have more grey hair then I need and I am only 41. You know this is the time when I wish mom was alive and I could ask her what to do. I am going to be praying harder for a house now and work harder at getting a grant to buy one. I just don't know anymore if I am coming or going. I get this from mikes family to help take care of the kids here and now I am getting it from mine. boy oh boy I am wondering what 2005 is going to bring with all this worry and decisions that have to be made. I had to get this off my chest for its been bothering me for awhile...