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Dust bunnies cannot evolve into dust rhinos when disturbed.
Rename the area under the couch "The Galapagos Islands" and
claim an ecological exemption.
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Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide a helpful
filter against harmful and aging rays from the sun. Call it
an SPF factor of 5 and leave it alone.
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Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduces the glare
from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If
your husband points out that the light fixtures need dusting,
simply look affronted and exclaim, "What? And spoil the mood?"
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In a pinch, you can always claim that the haphazard tower of
unread magazines and newspapers next to your chair provides the
valuable Feng Shui aspect of a tiger, thereby reducing your
vulnerability. Roll your eyes when you say this.
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Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up against the doorways
by claiming you are collecting it there to use for stuffing
handsewn play animals for underprivileged children.
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If unexpected company is coming, pile everything unsightly into
one room and close the door. As you show your guests through your
tidy home, rattle the door knob vigorously, fake a growl and say,
"I'd love you to see our Den, but Fluffy hates to be disturbed
and the shots are SO expensive."
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If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply place a showy urn on
the coffee table and insist that "THIS is where Grandma wanted
us to scatter her ashes..."
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Don't bother repainting. Simply scribble lightly over a dirty wall
with an assortment of crayons, and try to muster a glint of tears
as you say, "Junior did this the week before that unspeakable
accident...I haven't had the heart to clean it..."
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Mix one-quarter cup pine-scented household cleaner with four cups
of water in a spray bottle. Mist the air lightly. Leave dampened
rags in conspicuous locations. Develop an exhausted look, throw
yourself onto the couch, and sigh, "I clean and I clean and I
still don't get anywhere..."
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