*** Before reading the episode, please read this. This is a PARODY. It is meant to be stupid and pointless...it means nothing in SKCW. Everything said in here is a complete joke and nobody should take offense to any of the material. It is all stupid, well known inside jokes that we have here in SKCW. I am not actually taking a stab at anybody. We all need to laugh at ourselves sometimes, so please just take this for what it is, A JOKE. Most people love these things, and find no problems with it. Also this will be extremely vulgar. The language, actions, and references will be very dirty and distrubing, and thats really the point of this. If you are looking to read a nice story about everybody complimenting each other, then DONT READ THIS. If you can handle laughing at yourself and you can handle some of the crude humor used, then please continue, and please give me your feedback. Thanks***
EPISODE FIVE
Regular Text = Normal Speaking
Bold Text = Confessional (Nobody else can hear you)
*Stars around something means it is an action or explaining something*
LAST TIME ON WHEEL OF FORTUNE...
*Steph, Matt, and the cardboard Tara are seen playing. Cardboard Tara has her game face on*
*The board reads; Aus_in Powe_s*
Pat Sajak: Steph, your turn
*Steph spins the wheel and it stops on 69 dollars*
Steph: I'd like to solve the puzzle, sexy
Pat Sajak: Then solve it, you irresponsible stripper
Steph: I want to bone you later this evening
Pat Sajak: Im sorry thats not even close
Steph: Oh I wasn't solving the puzzle...i REALLY want to bang you this evening
*Pat Sajak has a creepy smile and then realizes who just said this and begins to sweat nervously*
Pat: Uh...thats incorrect. Matt, youre up
Matt: Fuck?
Pat: Spin the damn wheel
Matt: Impact?
Pat: SPIN THE WHEEL
*Matt spins the wheel and lands on bankrupt*
Matt: FUCK!
Pat: Would you like to take a stab at it?
Matt: IMPACT!
Pat: No thats wrong
Matt: REDSOX!
Pat: Get the hell out of here
*Vanna White kicks Matt in the testicles and delivers a fierce Neckbreaker to him*
Pat: Thank you. Anyways cardboard Tara, you're up
*Tara is motionless as strangely the wheel spins itself and lands on jackpot *
Pat: Weird?? Anyways would you like to solve the puzzle?
*Cardboard Tara says nothing as the camera goes to an annoyed Pat Sajak. All of the sudden a Woman's voice calls out "Austin Powers." The camera quickly pans back to Tara as she has a relieved smile on her face*
Pat: Well...I guess...thats right
*Before Pat can say anything else, an already nude Steph pounces on Pat and the two of them engage in what we will call "love making" for Tim's sake*
*All of the sudden we are in the living room of our lovely house. Natalie is seen sitting on the couch with a zoned out look on her face and holding a toddler in one arm and in the other she has a bottle of gin. She realizes that its too heavy to carry both so she tosses the child away and begins to rock the bottle of gin and kiss it on the forehead.*
Kaci: What a drunken ho...it must be a trend of the English
*Camera goes to Dave who is giving a "ghetto black girl stare down" look*
Dave: Bitch please, we English are a sober people
*Natalie can be heard singing "I cant regret what I did for love" to the bottle of alcohol*
Dave: Well us MEN are cool
*Everybody laughs at Dave's refrence to calling himself a man, then continues on with their daily lives*
*Suddenly a bolt of lightning strikes down through the center of the house and the floor breaks and tons of things fall into a large black hole, never to be seen again. Everybody assumes this is Krystal's doing, but she can be seen in the corner reading "Go Dog Go" and appears to be very interested. Gary Coleman emerges from the black hole dressed as Darth Vader*
Gary: Luke....I am your father
*Crickets Chirp*
Gary: BITCHES the ratings are in and I have character summaries. It seems some characters are BORING THE SHIT out of the viewers. So we decide to replace you ugly ass hoes, to make room for some foxy mamacitas. First off Tim, you lost the Unfortunate Conclusion so get the hell out
Tim: We not do Unfortunate Conclusion yet
Gary: Oh well, you suck, LEAVE NOW
*Gary shoves Tim into the endless hole*
Gary: Next state of business...Mikey
Mikey: Dude?
Gary: You suck as an entertainer...and you also suck as a boyfriend...*everybody gasps* ....erm....friend
Mikey: Duuuuuude
Gary: So get the hell off my show!
*Gary pushes Mikey into the endless hole*
Gary: We have replaced Mikey with a beautiful woman and I'm sure she will bring the ratings up...so everybody...here she is
"I'm Every Woman by Whitney Houston plays and the lights dim as a runway appears. Shantell emerges from the runway but forgets to put on her wig, so her bald head is visible. She quickly puts on the wig and scratches her underarm then bats her eyelashes at Brandon. Brandon creams his pants*
Brandon: I think I'm in love
*Gary is seen rustling through notes*
Gary: Well the desciption said she was beautiful....oh well she'll have to do, we don't have anyone else
*Everybody cringes as Brandon begins to write a poem about Shantell's beauty*
*****For those of you are wondering what Shantell looks like*****
*****Picture Terry Crews in a Wig*****
Gary: We also have a special suprise....Steven....come on down!
Stevie: Dont ever call me Steven again, or I'll kick your ass
Gary: Aww, does somebody have their period...
*Stevie punches Gary in the face and he starts crying like a little bitch*
Gary: Ok remind me to never touch you again. Anyways heres the suprise!!
*Kat comes walking out angrily*
Kat: WHAT IS SHE DOING HERE *points to Kelli*
Stevie: Competing on a challenge....what are you doing here?
Kat: Well I found out my little baby is on this challenge and I thought "HEY, I'm cool, I should be a challenge"
Stevie: Yes you should...I agree 100%
Gary: Luckily I made it happen...we didnt replace anyone, but hey Kat's hott, she'll bring up ratings
*Stevie once again punches Gary in the face*
Gary: I get real tired of the abuse I suffer from you assholes here
Gary: So Kat goes to SKCW and Shantell goes to KSCWE....wooo!
*Nobody woos*
Kaci: Oh great, Kat's here...just what I need. Now I have to do the whole "Nice Kaci" act to get ahead in this game. This should be great
Kaci: Oh my god Kat, I'm so excited you're here...you too Shantell...we can all gossip together
Shantell: *really deep voice* Yeah, we can talk about which boys are the cutest
Brandon: I really hope Shantell says my name!!
*Shantell scratches her balls and adjusts her panties*
Kaci: Shantell, you're really pretty
Kaci: Who am I kidding, you look like Sasquatch
Shantell: Thanks bitch
*Shantell slaps Kaci on the ass very hard and begins chewing tobacco*
Scott: Excuse me?
Shantell: What, we're just two...chicks...fooling around
Scott: Um...
Shantell: Get me a beer, will ya?
Scott: No
Shantell: Thanks
Gary: Now if you bitches are done talking, I've got something to say. Halloween is in a week, thats why I'm in this Darth Vader Costume. So we're going to have a Halloween type mission. Everybody better dress up in a costume. Once you're all in costume you will play dodgeball...with pumpkins, cuz I'm friggin festive like that...now be ready in 28 minutes or ELSE
*Gary then takes out a lightsaber and swings at the cast, but they all dodge and he loses his balance and falls into the endless black hole*
Stevie: Anybody else hope he stays down there for good?
*Everybody raises their hands*
*Scott comes out of nowhere and bitch slaps Stevie*
Scott: HAHAHAHAHA YES, I GOT YOU
*Kaci then bitch slaps Scott*
Kaci: Sorry that wasn't nice
*Kat bitch slaps Kaci*
Kaci: EXCUSE ME??!
*Kaci grabs Kat by the throat and begins to choke her*
Kaci: Wait...come on....NICE KACI....
*Kaci lets Kat go and smiles*
Kaci: What a funny joke...
Kaci: DONT EVER LET IT HAPPEN AGAIN
*Kelli bitch slaps Kat*
*Nick comes out of nowhere and bitch slaps Kelli*
Nick: Haha, I joined the joke!
*The entire cast takes turns bitch slapping Nick*
*Matt then bitch slaps Brittany*
*Brittany slaps Brandon's dick*
*Brandon SUCKS Shantell's dick*
*Shantell bitch slaps Krystal*
*Krystal bitch slaps Zoe, becuase she cant think of who to do it to*
*Zoe bitch slaps Ryan*
*Ryan bitch slaps Jason*
*Jason bitch slaps Natalie*
*Natalie bitch slaps the bottle of gin and it shatters and glass gets caught in her finger*
Natalie: Owww...game over
*Kaci runs into the scene*
Kaci: VAGINA!
*Kaci runs away as the thread is posted so Scott cant delete it*
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