*** Before reading the episode, please read this. This is a PARODY. It is meant to be stupid and pointless...it means nothing in SKCW. Everything said in here is a complete joke and nobody should take offense to any of the material. It is all stupid, well known inside jokes that we have here in SKCW. I am not actually taking a stab at anybody. We all need to laugh at ourselves sometimes, so please just take this for what it is, A JOKE. Most people love these things, and find no problems with it. Also this will be extremely vulgar. The language, actions, and references will be very dirty and distrubing, and thats really the point of this. If you are looking to read a nice story about everybody complimenting each other, then DONT READ THIS. If you can handle laughing at yourself and you can handle some of the crude humor used, then please continue, and please give me your feedback. Thanks***
EPISODE SIX
Regular Text = Normal Speaking
Bold Text = Confessional (Nobody else can hear you)
*Stars around something means it is an action or explaining something*
LAST TIME ON HELL'S KITCHEN
*Several of the castmembers are seen cooking something. Gordon Ramsay is not pleased*
Ramsay: You're all pathetic pieces of shit! Go fuck yourselves!!
*Matt shoves Gordon Ramsay's head in the stove*
Matt: NOBODY SAYS MY FUCKING WORD
*Ramsay gets up and kicks Matt in the groin and then piledrives him through the table*
Ramsay: ON HELL'S KITCHEN, I MAKE THE FUCKING RULES
*Brandon is seen making heart shaped cookies*
Brandon: Shantell, I made these for you...you're really pretty
Shantell: *talking with a very deep voice accidentally* THANKS BRO
*Shantell shoves the cookies down her mouth and then farts*
Brandon: That is SUCH a turn on
*Brandon realizes he is outside the confessional*
Steph: Ramsaaaaay, try my cake!
*Ramsay tastes Steph's cake*
Ramsay: THIS CAKE IS FUCKING DISGUSTING...WHAT KIND OF FROSTING IS THIS?!
*Steph giggles and looks down at her crotch, then smiles*
*Ramsay takes a knife to his throat and slits it, and then dies*
Jason: Thank god...he was always wicked annoying
*Just like every week, the camera transitions back to the KSCWE vs SKCW house where they are all doing uneventful things*
Alyssa: I HAVE AN IDEA!!
Scott: You're not even on this show...
Alyssa: Lets play a game! First lets choose sides. Scott you can be a captain and you get first pick
Scott: Um....ok...I choose Kaci then!
*Alyssa walks over to Scott's side*
Scott: I chose Kaci..
*Alyssa looks nervous as she quickly walks away*
Alyssa: Oh...I must have...misunderstood you....
Scott: Where is Kaci anyways?
Alyssa: UM WHO KNOWS, OK LETS NOT PLAY THIS GAME
*Alyssa runs off*
*Moments later Kaci returns to the scene (in the exact outfit Alyssa was just wearing)*
Kaci: HEY GUYS!
Everyone: ......
Kaci: Oh my god Kat, is that a new sweater
Kat: YES! Dont I look hott?
Kaci: You actually look like an overweight elderly woman, and your boyfriend most likely has a small dick
Kaci: SO pretty Kat...I wish I looked like you
Kaci: Oh wait, no I dont, i dont wanna look like a whore
*Kaci puts on an angelic smile*
*Kelli then enters the scene*
Kelli: Oh look, its the stupid bitch that took my boyfriend...Nice sweater
Kat: Oh look, its just a stupid bitch...nice personality!
Kelli: Thanks! Nice hair...too bad it wont look the same tomorrow
Stevie: Women fighting over me...this is great
*Scott enters the confessional and bitch slaps Stevie, then quickly makes his exit*
Kat: Kelli, dont be jealous because I'm obviously more desireable than you
Kelli: Kat, I'll be honest... you look like a Mutt. And you are a Slut. You've got a big Butt. You act like a Nut. Your hair I will Cut. Sincerely, gAnGstAh bAby k
*Kelli disappears and returns dressed as 50 Cent and throws up the deuces as Crickets chirp*
Alyssa: FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!
*Everybody gathers around, except Kaci, who once again strangely cant be found. One of the cameras does however catch Alyssa sliding out the side door and watches as Kaci emerges through that same door moments later*
*Kelli and Kat are circling each other as Stevie randomly shows up dressed as a referree. A random bell rings*
*Kelli immediately pulls out scissors and grabs Kat and goes to cut her hair when Stevie grabs the scissors. The two fight over the scissors, which is never smart because someone could get hurt and as they tussle for them, the both lose control and accidentally fling the scissors into the audience as they strike Nick in the eye*
Stevie: Ouch that could have hurt somebody...
*Nick is rolling on the ground crying, while bleeding profusely*
Kelli: I'm just happy that everybody is okay
*Nick desperately needs medical attention*
Kat: Come on guys, lets be honest, we should do something
*Kat walks over to Nick....and then stabs his other eye with another pair of scissors*
Kat: There, that should do the trick
Kelli: Now back to the wrestling match we were having
Stevie: Kelli you were disqualified, you were arguing with the referee
Kelli: YOU KNOW WHAT?! IM SICK OF THIS SHIT. SCREW THIS CHALLENGE, IM LEAVING AND IM NOT COMING BACK....at least until the next challenge Ryan decides to write, because I'm sure he'll need the extra characters
*Ryan is seen blushing*
Ryan: I not write show
Kelli: I HOPE YOU ALL HAVE A TERRIBLE DAY
*Kelli storms off in an angry rage, but makes sure that she takes everyone's wallet before she leaves. Everybody's wallet has money in it, except John's, who is filled with pictures of Shay and her family and friends, but John's face has been glued over every single one of these people, including the women. Also Kelli finds Kaci's license in Alyssa's wallet, but just shrugs it off and finally leaves*
Kaci: I'm gonna miss her alot....she was a good friend of mine
Kaci: ONE BITCH DOWN, ONE TO GO
Kaci: Oh my god Kat, thank god you won...I like you so much better
Kaci: ...NOT. Kat you ugly bitch I hope you go home next
Kat: Um thanks...Stevie lets go to the mall!
*In a matter of .23 seconds, Stevie has gathered everything together and quickly drives Kat to the mall...in the BatMobile*
*On the car ride....*
Kat: Stevie, I dont think Kaci likes me
Stevie: Who cares, Kaci's a bitch anyways
Kat: Do you think she's putting up a nice act?
Stevie: I dont really know...but she writes me a match once in awhile...she may take extra long to do it...and it may suck....and I normally dont even use it...but she really helps me out
Kat: Oh?
*Stevie and Kat arrive at the mall where Alyssa is seen waiting*
Kat: Hey Alyssa whats up!
Alyssa: ....hello
Kat: I know Stevie, we can ask Alyssa whats up with Kaci!?
*Stevie is motioning no at Kat*
Alyssa: Do tell
Kat: Do you think Kaci is a two faced bitch?
*Alyssa dropkicks Kat*
Alyssa: I NOT TWO FACED BITCH!
Kat: HEY! I never said you were! I said Kaci was
*Alyssa is adjusting her wig*
Alyssa: YEAH! WHAT?!
*Scott (dressed as Superman) runs up and keys the BatMobile...then runs away screaming "Superman is better"*
Stevie: Note to self: Scott, Alyssa, and Kaci all lose their matches next week
*Gary Coleman enters the scene*
Gary: Stevie, Kat, Alyssa, Scott! You are not allowed to leave the house....I should kick you all off now
*Gary shoves all 4 of them into the Power Rangers megazord and they return home*
*Back at the house, they all arrive home*
Jason: Hey Scott, good thing you're home...Kaci's missing!
*Alyssa awkwardly jumps behind the couch. Moments later Kaci discreetly appears from behind the couch and sits on it*
Kaci: This couch smells bad
*Kaci looks at the couch and there appears to be a scrapbook of all random pictures of Zoe and Shay. Matt then waks by*
Matt: Oh there it is...I've been looking for this. I guess I can do this somewhere else
*Matt smiles widly and then walks away*
Kaci: ....ew
*Kaci quickly leaves the couch*
*Gary Coleman gets behind a podium (although you cant see him and begins shouting*
Gary: YOU UGLY BITCHES!! Today's mission is going to be gross, so be prepared to be disgusted
*Steph is seen lifting up her dress*
Gary: OH GOD...not that gross. It's an eating mission. Today we're going to be eating out!
*Steph is seen spreading her legs*
Gary: Not that kind of eating out...we're just going to be eating gross things....things that will make each individual person sick. And were going to time you...so get ready!
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