Self-Initiation into Manhood for the Pagan Teen

Copyright (c) 2005 by Wyrmwood

Is it possible for a boy to to undertake a self-initiation into manhood? I think it is possible. Indeed, I felt the need to ‘self initiate�?myself as a teenager due to the lack of supportive male adults in my life at the time. Unfortunately there are numerous immature and unsuccessful attempts by boys today doing this with their friends by drinking alcohol until they pass out, driving dangerously (with the occasional fatal crash) or doing extreme sports. Self-initiation for me involved a few self-imposed challenges and personal ritual. I felt I was no longer a child and in some ways wanted to prove that to myself.

The challenges were mostly physical; bush (forest) walks �?initially a day walk, then later an overnight, over difficult terrain and off the beaten track, by myself with my two dogs for company. It was a challenge that I felt was within my abilities but something that I hadn’t done before, certainly never that difficult and never by myself, so for me it was a step into the unknown.

I did about three of these self-imposed challenges, starting and finishing the challenge with a personal ritual asking for guidance and thanking the gods for my safe passage. I always had in my mind that these challenges were testing my abilities to survive, although I didn’t go so far as to put myself into deliberate danger (and I left details where I was going in case something happened).

On the evening of the final challenge (the overnight hike) I did a personal ritual ‘throwing off�?the immaturities of childhood, and ‘stepping into�?the responsibilities of adulthood. Some of the personal ritual I performed were planned, some came to me on the night. There was symbolism, the ritual was elaborate (to help connect to my higher-self and the earth-spirit), and very personal.

I think some essentials for other boys wanting to do a self-initiation because they don’t have any supportive males in their life who can guide them through this process, and they feel they have the maturity and need to take this step, would be;

firstly, identify a challenge within reach that requires the abilities of a young man to achieve;

secondly, work towards that challenge (identify the steps required to get you there);

thirdly, plan for danger minimisation without danger elimination (in other words, if its too tame it might not feel like a challenge, but on the other hand it shouldn’t cost you your life);

fourthly, use ritual where you feel it is required, but especially within the main challenge;

fifthly, don’t be afraid to fail �?even men get into difficulty where they need other’s help �?if something happens where you need help, or the challenge is too difficult or doesn’t fulfil your needs, then step back and reassess �?ask yourself what went wrong?  Were you really ready? Did you plan for everything? What have you learnt from this? Once you have identified the problem, then replan.

You may have to make some decisions regarding the information you give to your parents regarding your challenge; if they forbid a particular activity you may be better off in the long run to obey �?find something else that they will let you do and then find a way to fit your self-initiation into it (they are still your parents after all!).

If you can find trustworthy, supportive adult males, let them know what you are doing and why. Talk over your plan with them �?they may identify problems that you haven’t seen and provide useful advice. Let them know when you set out for your challenge and when you have finished. If they don’t understand or think it’s a stupid idea, then you may need to go it alone.

The only problem of doing a self-initiation is that it is not recognised by the adults and carers in your life �?they may treat you the same at home. The trick is to take on more responsibilities to show you are mature, which may also allow you to have more freedoms.

A rite of passage is a symbolic journey from the protection and nurturing of boy’s mother and female carers, to being able to stand on your own feet as a young man, supported by your father and other supportive men. It is a space where you make a mental shift, usually with help, to where you can rely on your own skills and abilities to survive. This doesn’t mean you immediately move out of home after doing a rite of passage, but it does mean that you are prepared to take on the responsibilities of an adult, and leave behind the child that you are.

The following are some suggestions for the changes in attitude expected in taking on the responsibilities of becoming a man. These responsibilities and attitudes are what you should spend time thinking about during your rite of passage, such as your relationship with your brother(s) and/or sister(s), your reliance on mum/dad for support on things you could do yourself, your attitudes to self and family.

-- Possible attitudes before rite of passage--

* Always fight or argue with brother(s) and/or sister(s)

* Allow or rely on mum and/or dad to wake you up in the morning, make your breakfast/lunch/dinner, tidy your room

* Thoughts only about self

-- Possible attitudes after rite of passage --

* Find ways to get on with your brother(s) and/or sister(s).

* Take on the responsibilities of waking up early enough in the morning, maybe getting yourself to school (discuss this with your parents first), making your own lunch/breakfast, making dinner for the family, keep your own room tidy without being reminded.

* Thinking about ways to help out the family

A very good book that I came across years later that would have helped me at this time was "Secret Men's Business" by John Marsden (PAN Macmillan Publishing, Australia, ISBN 0 330 36074 4) (a non-pagan book but very down-to-earth). Other good reading would be "Celebrating the Male Mysteries" by R.J Stewart