So as I was saying earlier in dribble I was really restless lastnight as I was having this awful awful dream! It was one of those ones where I would wake up and be like 'oh phew it was a dream and now its over' but then I would go back to sleep and it would start off again. That happened about 4 times I think.
So anyway it was to do with having my 2nd baby. Or in this case not having it.....
We for whatever reason had to get a surrogate mother to birth our 2nd child for me cos for I dont know what reason I couldnt. Anyway after the birth everyone was happy and visiting the baby in hospital and what not but I couldnt because I was so distraught and upset and saying that it wasnt my baby.
Everyone was trying to reassure me that it was as it was my egg and Brett's sperm just grown in another womans body but I was just heartbroken that because another woman grew it then it didnt feel like mine. 
Do you know I am actually nearly crying just thinking about it???? I know I probly sound so silly but it was just awful and when I kept waking I was so relieved but then I would go re dream it or dream more of it and gosh it just scared me so so so so much.
So my Mum tried getting me counselling over it and I was just so upset and this baby really didnt feel like it was mine. (gosh makes me think how hard it must be for people who are really in this position, scares me too as we so take our baby factories for granted really)
I remember screaming at one point to the counsellor that 'we had to get a surrogate and it was his f'ing ex girlfriend'
(well weird thing here is I am brett's first serious girlfriend anyway and the girl he went out with before me he only dated for like 4 weeks and I am actually in real life really great friends with her lol, and the girl in my dream was not her lmao)
the girl wasnt in it much but she was there everynow and then and I think she felt it was more her baby than mine too.
EEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!
That dream totally freaked me out I tell ya! Disturbing!
thanks for reading it!
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