1. A maternity jumper that emits a tiny scream when complete strangers come up and stroke your belly.
2. A bed with a bump-sized hole in it, so you can sleep on your front.
3. Flash cards that you can point to during contractions that say things like, 'Gas and air, now!', 'I AM pushing', and 'Speak again and you die!'.
4. 'In-between' clothes for when you're too big for your normal jeans, but not yet big enough to do justice to those maternity trousers.
5. Bring back the chamber pot. It saves a lot of hassle when you have to go to the loo four times a night.
6. Acupressure wristbands for morning sickness in something less butch than grey towelling. You're not auditioning for a remake of Rocky!!
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