Amen. And you do effect someone: your family and friends.

 

No family ?No friends? Then the poor police officer and various other peopel who have to deal with your choice. Suicide hurts everyone- because you do matter.

 

Plus you are denying others the privledge of knowing you, you who are uniquely you. Never again and never before will there be YOU.

 

Stay around. Tomorrow is HOPE. 

Right you are, Anchoress!  The Ripple Effect is what I call it. 

 

The Ns haven't hurt only us.  Our families have suffered as well. 

 

To commit the ultimate act of desperation -- suicide -- is going to hurt our loved ones to the bone. 

 

As for the cops:  I was married to a big city cop for 20+ years.  I can only speak for the cops I knew.  Don't think for one moment that suicide doesn't bother them.  It bothers them alot.  It goes deep.  Because they usually see more than one in their career. 

 

I am not trying to offend anyone by this next comment, so please don't think that I am being hard-hearted or cruel, but . . .

 

I believe that unless a person is certifiably mentally ill, the act of suicide is the ultimate act of selfishness and the ultimate act of cowardice. 

 

 

 

 

I came very close to suicide many years ago.

 

While I had the gun in my mouth I got to thinking,.... if all the choices I had made in my life had led me to this very unhappy state, what made me think that my decision to commit suicide would lead to a different result?

 

I put the gun back and I'm still here. I changed the choices I make and I'm a much happier man.

 

Excellent point, Natman. 

As someone who came very, very close to committing suicide because of my xN, let me share this.....

 

You have the strength to get through this.  You have more strength than you can possibly imagine.  How do I know this?  You survived a relationship with the N.  Anyone who survives that is strong beyond belief and can survive anything.

 

I was left devastated. Alone.  I lost my complete support system with the exception of a few family members.  I lost my home, my furniture, my job.  I lost my self-worth.  And the N stood there and told me I deserved it because I had "f*cked up" our relationship.  I couldn't understand why he lied, cheated, blah blah blah.  It must have been me.

 

10 months later, I can honestly say that I am my own best friend.  I have changed.  I will never be the same because I went to a dark place and was able to survive it.  I am my own best friend and I can spend time alone and actually enjoy who I am.

 

Today, I've taken a job that is an hour and half commute one way so that I completely avoid the N.  I have one friend there.  She says that I have the best sense of humor of anyone she has ever known.  If she only knew where I was 10 months ago.

 

I have a beautiful home now and my children are happy and at peace. 

 

You are in a dark place, but you will survive it.  Do what you need to do to nurture yourself.  Get on some meds even if temporarily.  Find therapy, there is free therapy out there if you can't afford it.  Plug into a house of worship.  Come here and post, post, post.

 

Yesterday, I was driving to work and a truck passed me.  It had a casket on it.  The lid was off.  I thought, "That one could have been mine".  Then I thought, "Look how green the trees look today and the sky is an incredible blue too".  Life goes on, it ebbs and flows, I am meant to be a part of it.....so are you.

 

My name is Jeanette and I spent four days in a mental hospital because I tried to commit suicide.  If I can get through the dark period of my life.....you can to...know that I am here to support you while you journey through the pain.

 

 

Hey Jeanette and Nat - glad you're still here, guys!  Thanks for sharing and being an inspiration to others..  We appreciate your candor and strength.

Ditto that!  Glad that Jeanette and Nat are here with us!! You really are inspirations!

I agree that suicide will give them infinite narcissistic source. They can use it to be all sorts of things to get attention.

My dear (cough) xnh still has a life insurance policy on me, also during the divorce, the only way I could get the house was to agree that if I died before him, and still owned that particular house, he would inherit the house.

When he heard I was having surgery for cancer, he was gleeful. The night before the surgery, he wrote me an e mail saying he hoped I had the deed ready and the house ready for him. Let me tell you, if anything in this world made me want to fight for my life besides my kids, well that was it.

As soon as the housing market comes back up, this baby will be sold. I have decided that if it doesn't, I will sell it to my daughter for a dollar.

No way is anyone's life worthless.

Now that I'm fighting for mine, well I get fighting mad for others to keep theirs too.

(lots of using the fight word tonight!)

Hugs,

Had

Had, some cancers go into pernament remission, maybe so will yours.  I'm glad the N gave you a reason to fight.  I got a cancer scare too in February.  I have a possible indicator of something incurable.  But the latest tests don't show anything significant at this time. 

 

One of the best ways of fighting cancer everone says is through laughter.  You can rent funny DVDs or watch comedies or read books to make you laugh but make sure you get your laughter dosage every day.  I find before bed time is particularly nice, ensures good dreams most of the time.